Dr. Steinbeck does his once over and clears me, but not before giving me some meds for my body aches, taking some blood samples, and checking on my hand. It’s healing nicely, but he still wishes I had come in last night to make sure there wasn’t an infection brewing. So yet again, he makes me promise that if I get hurt, I’ll come see him right away. He also checks the room and assures me that it’s clear of any curses or ill effects. That makes me feel a little better, but one thing is for sure, I’m not going in here by myself anytime soon. Before he leaves though, he advises me to get out of the dorm a little here and there. Apparently there is a new batch of babies that were brought into the sanctuary, and he said I should check them out.
After using the restroom, I track down Knots in the den. He looks like someone kicked his puppy, his head hanging low as he sits slumped in an armchair.
“Hey! Are you okay?” I ask, making myself at home as I plop onto his lap, my legs straddling his. He gives me a crooked smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.
“I should have been able to sense that curse,” he says in a defeated tone. My heart breaks for my fierce warrior, so I take his head in my hands.
“Knots, you can’t beat yourself up over something that happened in the past,” I plead before giving him a light kiss and a smile. “Instead, we are supposed to learn from it and move on.”
“Who gave you that garbage of words to follow?” he barks out a laugh. I feel a glow of triumph as my plan to make him smile works.
“Uhh. A few doctors…some professionals. You know those wiser people that came before us. So we’re supposed to learn from their mistakes. Something like that.” I wave off his ‘really’ look he gives me before wrapping my arms around his neck. “The point is, I don’t blame you, so you shouldn’t be blaming yourself. I told you, you saved me. Which means I owe you a debt, I do believe.” I smirk and bite my lip as I see his eyes heat with longing.
Bingo.
“Now how should I repay you?” I tease as I look like I’m concentrating thinking of options.
Eek!
I jump off of Knots lap as he tries to tickle me.
“NOOO!” I run out of the door but Knots catches me, pulling me up against his hard body.
As we stumble out into the living room, Moni looks up from the sofa with a knowing grin on her face. “Gonna ruin another set of bed sheets?” She giggles as she types out another message to Chester, no doubt.
“No. Well, at least not yet,” Knots answers. “I’m curious how these new fancy tubs work though. So, we’re going to check that out before ruining Rez’s sheets. Gotta give JP some breathing room.”
The air leaves my lungs as Knots picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. Waving my goodbye to Moni as he carries me off for more sexy times, I can’t help but wonder if maybe we should switch the order around. With the pounding he gave me last night, my pussy might thank me if I get to soak her in the tub. Either way, I know she’s going to be ridden hard but it will definitely be worth it.
ChapterNineteen
DELUSIONAL DREAMER
Rez
The next couple of days fly by. Knots sleeps in my room if he’s not napping on the sofa or in the gym working out. Most of the time, he’s reading and catching up on TV shows. We learn Knots doesn’t get sucked into his door form unexpectedly unless he tries to leave the dorm. That was a complete fuckery when he tried following Moni to class one day. He was carrying an assignment for her when he and her homework got yanked into the door. Needless to say, he was able to pop back out inside the dorm room, but the door ate her assignment.
I really wish I could have been a fly on the wall to see how Chief Cloak took the news. The only thing that saved her leafy ass from being gnawed on like a chew toy was that Dean Caldron already knew about Knots being free and he cleared it up for her. Though I bet he never thought Knots would transport something into his realm and it would never be seen again. After that fiasco, Knots practiced how to voluntarily return to the door no matter where he was and how to pull himself out seamlessly. It took a couple of tries until he could materialize there with just a thought.
I get daily check-ins from JP and Knots, but there’s no word about Lynx. At this point, I’m about to lose it. I’ve even gone out with Moni and JP and looked for him around the woods and campus, but to be honest, it's been difficult since we’re not sure what to look for. I’m trying so hard to hold in all my emotions, but I feel my world slipping away from me. I can’t feel Lynx but Iknowhe’s not dead. The cut on my hand from my ‘dream’ had to prove something about it being real, right? So why the fuck can’t we find him? The Door Knights haven’t given up, and even though I haven’t talked to them, apparently the guys spend part of their evenings looking for Lynx. Knowing that goes a long way towards getting back on my good graces. I just hope they are doing it for genuine reasons.
Other than that little nugget of drama and the hopelessness of Lynx’s absence, everyone tries to carry on like everything is normal. But it’s not. My life isn’t normal. I don’t know if it ever will be again. It’s an endless cycle of waking up, hearing no news on Lynx, losing hope, getting pissed, nibbling on some food, spacing out, and sleeping. Throw in a few nurse checkups and it’s rinse, recycle, and repeat.
Moni and JP trade off as they go to class like it’s nothing, but I see the looks they give me when they don’t think I’m looking. It’s one of pity. I don’t want their pity though; I want my fucking best friend back.
I’m at a crossroad and I don’t know which way to go anymore. Stay where I’m at or move on with life. When I laugh or cuddle up against JP or Knots, I feel happy, almost. Time freezes and I’m just in that moment with them. But once I’m away or they go off to do something else, the guilt starts creeping in. Guilt at the fact that I feel those tiny glimmers of light without Lynx. I’m like a pendulum swinging back and forth. I can't make up my mind, and I know I’m driving people crazy. Maybe this is my life now.
Knots finally can’t take my mood swings. He tries to comfort me after I see that damn red note warning me about Lynx and I snap. I’m ashamed to say that I yell and scream at him to just leave me be.
Of course, he’s not having any of it, and picks me up, kicking and screaming. Giving me no other choice, he takes me to the gym. Gently placing me on the mat, he throws some gloves by my feet and walks behind the bag and just holds it while patiently waiting for me to take the hint. Knots, in his own way, shows me another way to deal with my anger and frustration in how slow this process is taking.
Waking up Saturday morning, I spend a few minutes just sitting in bed looking out at the patio. It’s the last place I saw Lynx, and I shiver as I think of the nightmare that has been plaguing me every few nights. It doesn’t come every night, but when I do find myself there, back in that dark dream room again, I no longer linger but make my way over to the cage. Once I do, I call out to Lynx but before I can reach the bars, I wake up in a cold sweat with one of the guys rocking me back and forth as I cry.
I almost find that it’s worse than walking into this room and seeing the phantom image of Lynx out on the balcony. That hope is slowly chipping away at my soul, and I’m tired of fighting it. I’m tired of sitting in this stasis. I’m not living or dying, I’m just existing. But is that enough?
I need different scenery. Maybe then I can find some perspective.
Slipping into a pair of JP’s sweats, I make my way to the living room and find Moni on her phone and Knots watching TV. I knew JP wasn’t going to be here today, he told me last night he planned on competing in a cooking competition today. I really want to show him my support, but I don’t think I’m ready to be around so many people yet. Knowing my luck, I’d carry around a gray cloud all day if I went, and I’d somehow magically ruin everyone’s recipe. He said I could make it up to him with cuddles, so that’s my plan tonight.
