“Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.” My voice cracks a little bit, but I try to hide it by shoving a cooked marshmallow into my mouth.
“Sweetie, I know you needed to get your mind off of…whatever your mind was on. I don’t know what’s going on, but I want to try and help. I just want you to know that whenever you feel like talking, I’m here for you,” he confesses, kissing me on the forehead before a jolt of guilt hits me.
I’m surrounded by guilt everywhere I look. When I smile at something Moni says or does. When I find something funny and I laugh. I feel such a heavy sense of wrongness that the weight of it alone brings such pain that it hurts to breathe. How can I find joy in such times when I’ve just lost Lynx? I shouldn’t be able to find any happiness when he isn’t here to share in it.
And here JP is, trying to cheer me up without knowing the extent of what’s going on with me, and it only makes me fall harder for him. Yet, my heart constricts with the fear of opening myself up to someone again due to what happened with the guys at the beach. Can I trust JP? He seemed just as shocked and lost as I was. Biting my lip, I make the decision to try to trust JP.Who else do I have?
‘Can I trust you?’I send my question to his mind as I pull my knees to my chest and lay my cheek on them.
JP moves to sit across from me and mimics my position. “Rez. It’s not that simple,” he starts, and my heart plummets. “I believe actions speak louder than words. I can say that you can trust me, but wouldn’t my actions mean more than just a simple confirmation?” he continues as I perk back up. “But if you need words to start off with, then here you go.” He reaches out and holds my face in his hands as he leans closer, keeping eye contact. His brown eyes searching out my shattered soul. “Ma chérie, you don’t have to share anything with me to gain my loyalty. From the first time I met you in the cafeteria, I wanted to invest in you. Whether it’s just as friends or if you would honor me in allowing me more, you have it. I just want to be able to help you in any way that you will let me.”
His perfect words are my breaking point. Pulling away from his embrace, my voice cracks as a sob leaves me. “I miss him.”
“Lynx?”
I can’t hold back the onslaught of tears as his name slips from JP’s mouth.
“We’ll find him, Rez,” JP vows. He tries to reassure me as he pulls me into his lap, so I’m not sitting across from him, and wraps his arms around me.
“You don’t understand.” I shudder, my broken voice even shocks me as I allow JP to hold me as he starts to rock me back and forth. It reminds me of the time Levi held me after I found out I was stuck here. That thought adds to more heartache as I continue to cry into JP’s shoulder.
“Look, Rez. We will find him. You have the best people on the job,” he assures me, moving my hair out of my face as he wipes away my tears. After I give him a beseeching look, he continues. “I know you want nothing to do with them, but I did ask the guys to keep an eye out for him.” I can’t stop the roll of my eyes and even that saps my energy further. “And since Knots is back, he’s getting the Door Knights involved in looking for him. You would be surprised what they can accomplish when given a task.”
Shaking my head slowly, I let out a huff and drop a bomb. “They might not know what to look for.”
“What do you mean?” JP gently coaxes. He gives me a nonjudgmental look and it helps relax the nerves that have been wound up tight in my stomach.
“Lynx doesn’t just shapeshift into different animal forms. He's rare, and he’s my best friend. He has been since I was six.” I hold my breath while I watch as JP absorbs the information I give him.
He gasps and grabs my arms, causing my upper body to turn to look at him. “When I came in and found you on the floor, I rushed in to hold you. Do you remember that?” His words barrel out of him. The shake of my head is the only answer I have for him—that night was a blur after Lynx disappeared from me.
“Rez, when I touched you, I didn’t just see your memories as you this time. I truly felt everything you did and I was actually outside of your body like I was watching a movie. I felt your anger, your fear, and your pain. I saw the Rebel with a guy that was our age.” He pauses to wet his lips, and I already know what he is going to ask, so I nod.
“Yes…that was Lynx,” I whisper.
“How?” JP asks, confusion clear in his voice.
I spend the next hour explaining everything I know about Lynx and our relationship. How Lynx came to me during a storm, how my mother spelled him and myself for years. How he was always able to shift until my mother’s attack and murder. I even explain how since we got here, Lynx was building up his magic until he could be a ‘real boy’ again. That was until I walked in, found him in the form he so loved besides his cat, and how it quickly ended. The only thing I leave out is Lynx being my mate. I still need to wrap my mind around that, and it doesn’t feel right exposing that part of me. I also don’t need the pity I know for sure will come with that information. But a part of me feels lighter after confiding in him and letting him understand my dynamic with Lynx. Maybe knowing he is more likely in his human form now, we might be able to find him. At least it might increase our chances.
“So the man I saw with his throat—” JP stops, his voice catches as he looks away briefly. He meets my eyes as he whispers the words I dread to hear, “—that was Lynx?” JP’s voice catches as he voices the words that I dread.
“Yes.” A sob leaves me. “I used to be able to feel him to some extent. I mean, he’s connected to me, or at least I thought so, but now I feel nothing, JP.” My voice shakes and I sniffle, burying my head back into his neck.
“I wonder if this has anything to do with it.” He runs his finger along my neck. “You have a faint silver line across your neck that hasn’t disappeared since that night,” he informs me, and I must admit I have no clue what he’s talking about.
“I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror since the morning before the party,” I admit in a broken whisper.
“Okay, that’s it,” JP announces, and proceeds to stand up with me still in his arms, which is pretty damn impressive if you ask me. Walking us into the bathroom, he places me in front of the mirror and goes to turn on the shower.
The woman in the mirror is a hollow shell of the person I once was. My lustrous curls are now just a greasy mess that I’m surprised JP didn’t grimace at when he touched them. My normally bronze skin is pale and yellowish looking. What should be bright gray eyes now look dull, and if I didn’t know better, are looking more of a milky white on the outer edges of my iris. My breath hitches as my eyes land on the area that JP ran his fingers across. Sure enough, it looks like I’m wearing a fragile silver choker around my throat. Reaching up with trembling fingers, I run my hand over the faint line and tears start to burn behind my eyes. My vision blurs to the point I don’t even see JP coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me.
“Shh, it’s okay, ma chérie. We will figure this out. One way or another we will get the answers you need. For now, wear that mark with confidence and with hope we will find out what happened.”
I give him a watery smile.
“Here,” he says, his voice filled with understanding. He holds out his hand palm up, and I watch as a bright turquoise water droplet forms and solidifies into a teardrop. “Carry this with you and think of it as Lynx being with you.”
Taking the beautiful water gem, I meet JP’s eyes in the mirror.‘Thank you.’
