Knox sighs as he leans his hip on the counter. “When he’s ready to talk again, yeah. He’s too mad at the world right now, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he found a way to blame you for it at the moment. The others don’t need to know right now either, especially since Ryker doesn’t even realize it.”
Nodding in agreement, I decide to confide in him. “I’m just shocked. I didn’t know all of you felt that way. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“We figured you could just tell,” Knox gives me a pointed look.
“Why? Because I can read emotions?” I throw back, frustrated I didn’t pick up on this earlier.
“Umm…” Knox’s face scrunches up, showing how unsure he is now, which is funny to say the least coming from him.
“I’m not a mind reader, Knox,” I deadpan as he leans against the counter, his hands braced against it.
“I know that, but apparently you weren’t a good listener either,” he points out as my brows furrow in confusion.What is he talking about?“Didn’t you and Zeke get into this last week, and another time before that, about your phone and being up Lilith’s ass!? You spend more time attached to your phone than you spend with us. That’s why Zeke got pissed at you before school. We only assume when you’re on the phone, you’re talking to Lilith.”
I feel as if the wind is knocked out of me as my head and shoulders lower in defeat. “Shit. You're right.” Meeting his eyes I continue, “I am sorry. I took the words for granted. I will do better,” I say with a heavy heart. I’ve let down not only my brothers but myself.
Knox’s eyes warm at my confession, and he repositions himself in front of me. With his hand gripping my shoulder, he says, “We just want our fun-loving brother back.” Quirking an eyebrow at his response, he chuckles. “Yes, you can still keep the planning mentality and following the rules and stuff. I just wanted to let you know that we love you and worry about you. We miss you. About Lilith’s essence stuff, do you think—”
“Knox, unless youneedto talk about it right now, that’s not my priority until things are fixed with Nerezza.”
“It can wait.” He gives my shoulder a squeeze before dropping the container in my hand. “Keep it. I have more, and you’ll need it with that shiner,” he chuckles before walking out and leaving me alone in his bathroom.
I look up and stare at myself in the mirror, and I’m not sure if I like who I see reflected back at me anymore.
ChapterTwelve
C.U.M
Rez
I’ve lost all sense of time, but that will happen when you sleep away all hours of the day. Sometimes, your body and mind just need it. At least that’s what mine keeps screaming at me.
Sleep.
Dream.
Forget.
After Moni left for her date with the mystery guy, JP shooed me into the den to watch TV, and honestly, I didn’t have a problem with it. I felt like I spent all my stored up energy being happy for Moni while I really wanted to hide and cry myself to sleep once again. Don’t get me wrong, I am super excited and happy for her, and I can’t wait to hear how her first date went, but mustering up the energy saps me.
Lately, I haven’t been the best company, and I’m lucky JP still allows me into his room with this perpetual black cloud hanging over my head. At first it was necessary since my room was destroyed, but since then it’s become a comfort or a place for me to hide. A crutch. That's how I’m treating this. I know it’s not healthy, and Dr. Fisk would have a heyday diagnosing all of my drama right now, but I’m not ready. I’m not ready to face that room. The room where I lost him. There’s a part of me that believes I wouldknowif he was truly gone, but on the other hand, I feel empty. The place, deep down in my soul, where I felt that connection to Lynx—it’sgone.
What is wrong with me?
I know it’s been a few days, but if someone tried to tell me they don’t think I should be grieving my loss for this long, then they can’t comprehend what he was to me. He was the only thing I had left from the life I knew before I got trapped here. And I didn’t just get my heart ripped out when he was taken from me. I lost my best friend, part of my soul, mymate. If I get to months of this hopelessness, blank pages of nothing to mark the passage of time and bleak nothingness like Bella had when Edward left, then yeah, I deserve a punch in the face and reality check. Until then, everyone can just back off.
This isn’t my new normal, it’s survival until I get it together again. I’ve gotten good at just going through the motions and putting on a fierce face in front of others. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.
A small voice inside of me whispers,you had him to help, though. What will you do without him?
Shaking the voice from my mind, I pull my knees closer to my chest and rest my head on them as I let my hair fall over my shoulder, creating a curtain. I can’t even tell you what I’m watching anymore. Heck, I don’t even remember selecting anything.
“Ma chérie. Come, have dinner with me.” JP’s voice rings out from the entrance of the room, making my head snap in his direction. He’s looking handsome in a light-blue button up shirt that highlights the blue spikes in his hair, along with black, form-fitting jeans and bare feet. Whereas I’m still in a sweatshirt and yoga pants from the other day.When did I last take a shower?Not having an appetite, I shake off his offer and turn to mildly focus back on the show in front of me.
“I’ve been slaving away for an hour over this, please don’t make me eat alone.” He gives me puppy dog eyes when I turn to look at him again. “I would hate to have my efforts go to waste,” he pouts, and it breaks through my fragile barrier. A small smile graces my lips as I realize what he’s doing. The little fucker is giving me a guilt trip, knowing I wouldn’t want him to feel horrible about all the work he put into his dinner. Rolling my eyes with a huff, I pull myself up and meet him by the door.
“Thank you for dinner, but you know you could have done it without the guilt.” I smirk up at him as he reaches down and entwines our hands.
“Where’s the fun in that?” He winks and gently lifts my chin to look into his chocolate brown eyes. “Now, ma chérie, close your eyes,” he whispers, and I comply. “No peeking.” I feel his hot breath glide over my lips, and I instinctively wet them.
