“Like the pony,” she says just above a whisper.
I truly laugh, “Sure, but, buying myself a horse was no hardship. It was for polo. I wanted to play, so I did.”
“I don’t get it, what was more important than your freaking birthday?”
“Oh, a whole host of things, appearances, meetings, travel, fund raising, the businesses. They were always very busy. Still are, actually.”
“Did they at least come to your games? I mean polo is fancy, isn’t it?”
“They’re called matches. And not usually. I think mum came to a few when there weren’t any better options.”
“Huh,” Harper says absently as she makes her way slowly toward the door, then stops. “What about your friends? Or Marion?”
“Worthington Prep didn’t allow parties. And Marion was too busy sneaking off to shag my roommate,” I say.
“Wait, wait, wait,” she shakes her adorable head, curls flying under the bandanna. “That’s not what you said, you said she wanted to settle down in London.”
“That’s right, she did, and I asked her to travel abroad with me instead. She said yes, then started up with Harry. Married him soon after and they settled down in London, just like she wanted. ”
“Wow. I’m sorry,” she says, looking stunned.
“It’s all right, Harper, really. She made her choice and I made mine,” I put my hand up on her delicate shoulder and squeeze.
She’s fierce when she looks up, “It’s not all right. It’s a lot like me, actually.”
“How’d’you mean?”
“Your parents should have chosen you,” she says. She’s angry at them for a beat and then she relaxes and sighs, “I get it. I was almost an adult when my mom left but it still hurt. Then everyone else, well, you know.” She shrugs and walks away, “No one ever chooses me either.”
It kills me, the way she says it. Not bitter or angry or self-pitying. Just resigned. As if everyone always leaving her behind is a simple fact of life, as plain as gravity or the passage of time.
“Harper!” I say and before she can protest I grab hold of her and cling her to me. I hold her head to my chest and wrap an arm around her back like a wall. Like a protective barrier against all the bastards who should have done better to her and for her. “Thank you,” I say into her hair. “For the swan and the party.”
I want to kiss the top of her head. I want to pull back and tip up her chin and take her mouth. She’s so warm and soft I want to slide my hand down and grab hold of her perfect ass. Hell, I want to slide both hands around and grab everywhere.
But I pull away.
Harper Brown is possibly the sweetest girl in the entire world. I was wrong about her before. There’s no malice underneath, unless you come after one of her friends. Which is whatI’ve become to her. What she wants me to be. Her friend. A friend worth throwing a surprise party for.
And so, with herculean restraint, a new habit I am not at all fond of, I let her go and watch her walk down the hall, her face flushed.
I want her, badly. But for the first time in my life I suppose I just won’t get what I want.
Instead, I will rein myself in. Compromise. Settle.
And simply be her friend.
CHAPTER 28
Harper
“I’m telling you, he was about to cry,” I tell my sister. I hold up two dresses to my body in front of the mirror and also in her line of sight over FaceTime.
“Damn, that’s crazy,” she says, as shocked as me, “Black one with a jacket if you think you’ll get chilly later, striped if it’s warm. You’d think he’d’ve grown up with huge elaborate parties with petting zoos, and, like, Ed Sheeran hired to play or something.”
I throw the striped milkmaid style sundress on my bed and tuck the black back in my closet as I pile on, “I know!His whole life, not one party.We didn’t even sing this morning! I didn’t even have a candle for him to blow out!” I say, kicking myself.
“Uh, yeah, his sad little rich boy life aside, why exactly did you throw him a party at all? He’s Juniper Falls enemy number one,” Lily points at me, or at the phone camera, with a chopstick.
