Bodhi slams a phone down on the kitchen bench in front of me, and the sight of the metallic-silver case makes me immediately want to puke. The color drains from my face, and I take hold of the bench to stop from going over. Where the hell did he get that? “What is this?” he demands his voice cool as ice.
I stand ready to face them. “A phone,” I snip, trying not to show how much the sight of that particular phone affects me. I left that life behind. They were never supposed to know about any of it. They can’tknow about any of it. It was one thing to live that life, but for them to know what I was doing? Nope, this isn’t happening.
Kasen is beside him, arms folded in that domineering asshole way he does so well. Maybe I had that earlier look all wrong because I already know by the furious look in his eyes, they cracked my code and know exactly what’s on there. Recorded videos of me doing all sorts of naughty things. Acts men paid thousands to watch. A stupid part of me thought when I ran and left all of it behind, I would never have to face what I did. That I could go on with my new life and forget. “If it’s just a random phone, why do you suddenly look so pale, birdie?”
“What is on the phone?” River asks, a hint of panic in his normally calm voice.
My heart hammers so damn fast I’m not sure what I’m about to do. Grab the phone and run? Kick them all in the junk then run? I’m pretty sure whatever it is, I should run, because I can’t face the humiliation. “What did you do?” I shove Kasen in the chest, my eyes focusing on his, because I know whatever they did to get this phone is on him. And apparently, I don’t want to run this time, I want to fight this fucker for thinking he could interject himself in my life.
His eyes darken to motherfucking scary, forcing me to falter back straight into the counter. This is why I didn’t want them to know, this look, it’s disappointment mixed with murder, and it’s terrifying as hell. Because I know he will never look at me the same way again.
“Got the information you wouldn’t give us,” Bodhi answers for him, and I can hear he’s just as furious. But what should he care? He’s made it obvious I’m nothing to him but an inconvenience. Well, I mean, there was that kiss, but I get the impression that was a test, like the whole set-up where they let me run. This shit that they are doing now is the same, like my life is a game for them.
I glance at him, and it’s then I find the smear of blood coating his shirt. What the hell? He’s livid, that much is obvious, but it’s the sadness I see in the depths of his eyes that hurts the most. Tears choke up my throat, but I won’t let them see, won’t let them know how much this breaks me deep inside. “You went to my place?” I whisper, a mix of anger and embarrassment vibrating through me, knowing what they would have seen. I’ll never be able to look at any of them again. I can’t escape what I did, this shit is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. It doesn’t matter that I was going under another name or how far I ran to escape it. “You had no right,” I spit at the two of them, tilting my head up and straightening my shoulders. I choose anger instead of falling apart. Anger is safer, she has never let me down. Never made me weak, and I won’t be weak now. Not in front of them.
Kasen’s scowl deepens, a growl slipping from his lips. “Maybe you should have told us the truth when you had the chance.” He takes a step toward me, crowding me in a way that sends my heart into overdrive. I really wish I wasn’t so tipsy right now. “Don’t worry though, birdie, your debt is now paid off. You’re free from the Southern Breakers. I took care of another mess for you.” From his proximity, a tremor of anger vibrates through him as he practically yells at me.
His lecture reduces me to a child, but I know what this really means. This isn’t some sweet act. I now owe them more, and he wants me to know it. “I didn’t ask you to,” I seethe back, not ready to take his shit. I try to take a step away from him, but it’s impossible. His large frame is everywhere, and behind me is the hard bench. He knows it as well, the glint in his dark eyes as he locks me in place so evil. His tight muscles flex as a hand comes to either side of my body on the kitchen bench. His dark eyes lock with mine, giving me no escape. It’s then I can see his clothes aren’t just messed up, they are splattered with blood as well. Oh, dear God, I’m actually going to be sick. What did he do? Yourdebt with the Southern Breakers is never fully paid off, once they suck you into their trap, you’re theirs for life. If he did something to one of them, he’s in as much trouble as I am.
I shove at him, needing to escape his intensity, but Kasen captures my wrist, pulling me back to him, our bodies so damn close it sends a shiver over my skin. He’s not the boy I was obsessed with, he’s not even close, and I see why this town is so scared of him. He radiates power. “Let. Me. Go,” I push through clenched teeth, fresh desperation coming over me.
His fingers tighten around my wrist. “Not until you come clean about it all. We deserve answers.” His voice booms through the room. He really is his dad. Domineering, controlling, delusional. He thinks the world should bow at his feet because he says so.
My chest heaves as I fight to suck in breaths, the same feeling of being trapped washing over me.
I can’t breathe, I’m stuck, cold hands on me, fear locking me in place as I try to scream.
He’s not Keller. He won’t hurt you, I tell myself on repeat. But the truth is I’m not sure I believe it. I can see his dad when I look at him, see the hate in his eyes. I didn’t think Keller would have hurt me either, but I have memories of that night. They might be foggy, but he was there and his hands were on me. He did something. I wish I could remember what. Nausea swirls through me at an alarming rate. My head spins, and all I can do is focus on Kasen’s deranged face to stop the swimming. But it’s no use. “I’m warning you, K…”
It’s too late, the mix of fancy cocktails I was throwing back all night and the steak and chips I had for dinner come up, and I vomit all down the front of Kasen’s shirt, trousers, and shoes. Oh, dear God. Kill me now.
“Shit, Dove, didn’t realize you were that drunk,” River says, rushing to my side to help me.
I glance up at Kasen who is still holding me. His eyes rake over me, filled with disappointment. The kind that really makes you feel like shit because you know there won’t be yelling, there won’t be talking. He lost respect for me tonight. If he ever had any. He releases me and takes a step back to assess his clothes, brushing them off.
I suck in a breath, but it’s no use, my head is so damn heavy, my limbs made of jelly. But honestly, I shouldn’t care I just covered him in my spew. He fucking deserves it for invading my privacy in such a horrible way. For thinking he can just barge into my life and pay off my debts with daddy’s dirty checkbook. My head swims, and I drop to my knees dry retching again, trying to get control of my body before I make more of a fool of myself in front of them. The marble floor blurs. I try to suck in breaths, try anything not to completely fall apart in front of them, but it’s already too late.
“Fuck, man, you should have let her go.” River is in front of me, his hand on my back before I know what is happening. He strokes over my back gently. “You’re okay, Dove. Take some deep breaths.” His hand in mine pulling me up with him, he wraps an arm around me protectively, sheltering me from his friends.
“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what was on there. How much trouble she got herself in during her time away from us.” Bodhi’s voice is low, his words intentionally hurtful. He doesn’t say or do anything he doesn’t mean, and I know he’s just as disappointed with me as Kasen. “She’s not who you think.”
I flinch like he’s physically struck me, fresh pain radiating through my chest as my eyes narrow in on Slater, cold and deadly. “You don’t get to comment on something you don’t understand, asshole,” I spit back at him. I should never have come back here. I should have keptrunning. Maybe answers aren’t worth it if it costs me what’s left of my dignity.
“Guys, enough,” River snips over his shoulder as he guides me out of the room. “Go take a shower, I’ll talk to them,” he tells me softly, but he doesn’t know what the others do. He won’t be so kind to me when they tell him all the sordid details of what I was doing back in Breakers Point. He’s going to look at me like they were, with pity and disgust.
I turn back, gazing up at him, leaning into the bathroom counter for support, my body suddenly too weak to hold its own weight up. “I’m so sorry, River.”
He brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes, not seeming to care that I must stink of vomit. “What are you sorry for, babe?”
“What they are about to show you.” I drop my head and pull away from him. That will be the last time River looks at me like I’m the sunshine that lights up his world. The truth is supposed to set you free. But this truth… this might be enough to ruin me when I’m already so fragile.
He reaches out for me, trying to draw me back to him, but I can’t. His comfort will just give me false hope. “There is nothing you could do, Dove, to change my opinion of you. It won’t matter what’s on that phone.”
I step away from him, my hand on the door handle. My face hardening back to bitch from hell. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” I lock eyes with him so he knows I’m deadly serious about this. I’m not the same girl he once knew, and yeah, maybe today felt good, felt real in a way I didn’t even know I needed, but I don’t fit this life anymore. I was forced to outgrow it. And he’s about to get a slap back to reality, I’m sure. Even if he thinks he’s imagining the worst, he’s not. Me, Iwill have another piece of my soul stolen because my boys will know the truth.
With a heavy sigh, I shut the door and flick the lock, leaning my back into it. Why did they have to go back there? Why couldn’t Kasen just leave the past where it’s meant to be, in the fucking past?
I run for the shower and take the razor, my body slumping to the floor with it in my hand. Carefully taking out each blade one at a time, I line them up on the tile floor.
