“It was in the trailer. We were getting ready to go to college, and we met there for one last night. Just two kids who had no idea what life was going to be like from then on. You told me how terrified you were, not because of the uncertainty, but because you were worried that we might grow apart. I told you it was impossible, and I meant that. I guess I loved you before that night, but it wasthatnight that I realized I would follow you anywhere. Any city, in any country, it didn’t matter, as long as you were there. I knew life could have stolen this from us. That it was possible that whatever we had was something we would grow out of, but I couldn’t let you go.
“It’s been you since the moment you chirped at me in the hallway at school. The girl who saw past my background, who didn’t judge me for the shit I couldn’t control. The one who looked at me and saw so much potential I didn’t see in myself. If I hadn’t met you that day, if we hadn’t become who we are together, I’m not sure I would be where I am. You are my reason.”
A tear rolls over her cheek, catching in the corner of her mouth.
“For a long time, I thought I would be okay watching you fall in love, get married and fulfill that bucket list ofyours, but I wasn’t. I am selfish for what I did, and I know I hurt you, and for that, I will hate myself for the rest of my life.”
Sidney looks to her feet, “I don’t want you to hate yourself, Noah.”
I shrug softly. “I fucked up.”
“You did,” she agrees.
“I wanted to tell you,” I risk a step closer, drawn into her orbit. “And then we made this crazy arrangement, and we were closer than we had ever been before. I finally had what I had been wishing for, and the coward in me was too afraid to tell you in case I lost you. And then there was the shame.”
“If you had just told me,” she meets my eyes, her tongue wetting her lips, “I would have deleted his number. I don’t care about Isaac; it was never about him.”
“I know, baby.” I sigh. “I think a part of me was always worried you would pick him.”
A loud, boisterous laugh erupts from her, “Absolutely not. I’d have picked you over anyone.”
“I need to know if this is it for us, Sid,” I feel the backs of my eyes burn, the mere prospect of losing her breaking my soul in two. “I need to know if I’ve lost you.”
Her dark eyes bounce between mine, and several long seconds of silence stretch between us, but then she steps forward, the gap closing, and my heart thuds painfully.
Lifting her hand, she cups my face, the feel of her skin on mine like a balm.
“I’m mad at you,” Her thumb circles against my cheekbone, “So fucking mad, Noah, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to walk away from you.”
“Can you be mad at me in the same room?” I beg. “Throw things at me if you like, just don’t leave.”
She laughs, “I’m not going to throw things at you, Noah.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”
“Don’t ever do anything like that again,” she says sternly. “We have nothing if we don’t have trust.”
“You’re right, baby.” Slowly, I lift a hand and slide it around her waist, internally cheering when she doesn’t pull away from it. “I promise.”
“Okay,” She breathes.
“Can I kiss you now?”
“I’ll allow it,” she smirks.
I don’t waste a single second. My mouth lands on hers like I’ve been without air for too long. I breathe her in, hold her close as my tongue slips between her lips and I angle her head to deepen the kiss. I feel the soft bite of her nails as she curls them against my chest, holding on just as tightly as I am.
“I missed you,” I rasp, softening the kiss to chaste brushes of my lips along her jaw and then down her neck.
“It’s only been one day,” she angles her head, allowing me further access.
“Felt like a lifetime,” I admit, pushing down the strap of her top so I can trail kisses over her shoulder.
Her skin pebbles with every brush of my mouth, but I just can’t get enough. I always need more of her. She is the air in my lungs, the ground under my feet. Reaching down, my hands grasp the backs of her thighs, and I lift her, forcing her to put her legs around my waist.
“We never kissed back in that trailer,” I walk toward the bed of blankets and cushions, gently lowering her onto them.
“That’s because friends don’t kiss, Noah.”
