“Yes, cricket,” I reach for her hand, half expecting her to pull away from me, storm out, and never speak to me again, but she does none of that. She lets me pull her to me, and I lift my hand, sliding it under her hair to gently massage my fingers into the muscles on her neck. Her lashes flutter as she stares up at my face.
“Do you even want to be a dad?” She asks me.
I give a simple shrug, “I’m not opposed to the idea.”
She scoffs a loud laugh that’s void of any humor, “Kids aren’t just something you’re opposed to, Noah. You have to actually think about this. I love you, I do, and I love that you would offer me something like that, but kids are a big deal. You can’t just go throwing around the offer of fathering my children.”
“Ourchildren.” I smirk, “We’d make a great team, and you know it.”
“I don’t doubt it,” she shakes her head, pulling her lip between her teeth. A tell that she’s thinking really hard about something.
“You’re thinking about it,” I stare at her mouth.
She releases her lip and narrows her eyes at me, “I am not.”
“Are too.”
“You’re a child,” she laughs for real now and steps away from me, my hand dropping away. My skin immediately feels cold without her warmth pressed against it.
“My offer stands, Sidney,” I say to her back, her body pausing in the doorway. “If you really want children and you don’t want to wait any longer, I will do it for you.”
She shakes her head, shoulders lowering on a sigh, “You and your big heart, Noah Calahan.”
Chapter Four
It wasn’t an outright no.
It wasn’t a yes either.
For the rest of the night, Sidney pretended that the entire conversation out on the balcony didn’t happen. She laughed as we watched TV on the couch, her feet resting in my lap while she nursed her glass of wine, completely at ease in a pair of my sweats and one of my tees.
She’s now passed out in the guest room across from me, and I’m lying here like a fucking lovesick teenager, obsessing over the words I spoke, overthinking every expression I caught on her face.
She was contemplating it; I could see it.
And fuck, now I’ve made the offer, I really want her to say yes.
You and your big heart, Noah Calahan.
I didn’t have a big fucking heart, just a selfish one.
And a raging hard-on for my best friend.
I drag a hand down my face and push up, my feet landing on the floor with a thud as I hang my head and question every damn choice I’ve ever made.
Maybe I just need to tell her how I feel.
Tell her how hopelessly in love with her I am instead of being a coward and hiding behind the bond that’s grown throughout the years.
The clock on the nightstand reads just after two in the morning, and it’s so quiet this far up above the city, I can hear the hum of electricity in the walls and the whirl of the refrigerator from the kitchen.
I’ve always wanted kids; I just didn’t think it would happen for me, not when I could never find a woman who compared to Sidney. I’d come to terms with the fact that I’d remain single and childless for the rest of my life.
Stretching as I stand, I move out of my bedroom, pausing at the door across the hall and gently push it open. She lies in the middle of the bed on her front, half covered by the sheets, as her hair spreads wildly over the pillows and across her face. My sweats have been discarded to the floor, leaving her in just my tee that’s ridden up to the small of her back, leaving the soft curve of her ass on display.
She breathes evenly, undisturbed by my presence.
Pulling the door back closed, I head through to the living room, quietly pulling a glass from the cupboard before I grab the whiskey and pour myself a helping, carrying it over to the wall of windows to look down on the sleeping city.
