“Gimme another one, Scotty,” I push the empty shot glass toward him, my head a little woozy from the bottom-shelf tequila the old man has been pouring for me.
“Not so sure that’s a good idea, Miss Sidney,” he winces. “How about some water?”
“How am I meant to drown my sorrows inwater?”
“What about a shoulder to cry on then?” He offers instead, “I hear crying can be therapeutic.”
“I don’t cry in public,” I dump my head in my hand and let out a heavy sigh. I couldn’t go home. It would be too empty, and with the swirling grief tightening in mychest, the last thing I need is silence and vacant rooms. I wanted to go to Noah’s, curl up in his bed and cling onto the embers of us, but I needed a minute to think without him clouding my judgement.
Part of me is wondering if I overreacted.
But then the hurt is sitting heavily in my stomach.
Scotty lets out a frustrated breath, “Come on sugar, gimme something.”
“It was me.” Noah’s voice has awareness shooting straight through me. I didn’t even hear the door go, let alone sense his presence, which is insane since I have been so in tune with this man for near on twenty years.
Must be the tequila.
“Well, what did you do?” Scotty puts his hands on his hips, his white mustache twitching as he glares at Noah.
I always knew I was his favorite. It almost makes me want to spin around and stick my tongue out at him.
“I fucked up. I finally got the girl, and I fucked it all up because I’m a selfish prick who was so damn scared of losing the only woman he has ever loved he went and betrayed her trust and put her happiness at risk.”
My spine straightens, and my shoulders go tight. I don’t want to listen to this right now.
“Did you follow me?” I turn to look at the man who has my heart in a vice grip, trying for a glare, but I know it falls flat. I wobble a little on the stool, almost toppling off—Tequila: 1, Sidney: 0—and Noah lunges forward, but I have enough wits about me that I manage to catch myself and avoid his touch. If he touches me, I’ll give in.
“Nope, just didn’t want to go home to an empty apartment. This was the only other place I could go.”
“Well, you messed up, boy,” Scotty grumbles, “Want me to ban him, Sid? Add him to the wall of shame?
I glance at the pin board mounted behind the bar with several darts sticking out of it. There’s a handful of pictures on it of all the customers that Scotty has kicked out and banned from ever entering again. I’m not truly sure how often he checks it because at least two of those guys were in here tonight, but I don’t tell Scotty that.
“No,” I place a couple of bills on the bar top to cover my drinks, “I’m going to go home, anyway.”
“You’re leaving?” Noah’s expression is wide open, pain and regret and sorrow all swirling together to create a storm in his gray eyes.
“I need space.”
“I’m sorry, Sidney.”
My shoulders slump. “I know you are, but I’m not ready to accept that yet.”
“At least let me drive you home.”
I shake my head, “I’ll get a cab. Good night, Noah.”
“Sid,” His hand on my arm stops my retreat. “I’m sorry.”
Tears burn behind my lids, and my vision turns watery. “Please, Noah.”
His eyes squeeze closed, and he drops his hand, letting me go.
“You really went and fucked that up, didn’t you, boy?” I hear Scotty reprimand him just before I stumble out the door, the humid air hitting me in the face.
I make it back to my apartment in a daze, stumbling up the stairs. The tequila is rolling in my stomach, my head too fuzzy to make a full thought. It’s what I had planned to do. Get black out drunk so I didn’t have to think about all the shit that happened tonight, but now I’m here, all that’s happened is I feel sickandsad.
