I watch her delicate throat work on a swallow as her wide eyes latch and hold mine.
“It doesn’t need to be anything more than that,” I rush to fill the void. “We’re friends. It’s not a big deal.”
I really need to shut my big fucking mouth.Not a big deal.Mentally I’m slapping myself upside the head. What a fucking moron.
“Just sex,” she blinks, gnawing her lip.
It’ll never just be sex. I know it, and she just needs to catch up.
“What if it ruins everything?” She asks quietly.
“Nothing would ever ruin us.”
“Sex makes things messy.”
“Why? You afraid you’ll fall in love with me?”
She rolls her eyes, “I already love you.”
“My dick then,” I’m trying to lighten the mood, ease the tension pulling tight between us. “It’s a good dick if I do say so myself; I wouldn’t blame you.”
“Jesus,” she snorts, “I’m not going to fall in love with your cock, Noah.”
“You wound me, Sidney.”
“I’m sure you’ll live, Calahan.”
“How about this,” I sigh, turning a touch serious, “Think about it. Think about what you want. If you want to forget this ever happened, then fine, and if you don’t… well, you know what happens next.”
Chapter Five
I’m not really thinking about it, am I?
No.
Well…
No.
I cannot sleep with my best friend. Icannot.
It doesn’t matter that I’ve thought about it hundreds of times over the years, how a part of me doesn’t just love him but isinlove with him. If I sleep with him, it’s just going to jumble up all those feelings, twist them into knots. I’m after love, not heartbreak. I don’t know how I could just sleep with him and not want more, especially when the end goal is to get me pregnant.
Wewill have this tiny human, a part of me and a part of him, and how am I meant to just go on with my life without wishing for more from him.
I couldn’t do that to Noah.
And I can’t lose him either.
He is a vital part of me, a piece that keeps me ticking, and what if that clock just stops?
“Excuse me?” A loud, shrill voice cuts through my thoughts, startling me. I jump behind my desk, a thorn from the stem I was working on cutting into the pad of my finger. “Hello?”
“Shit,” I hiss, sucking my finger into my mouth as I scurry around the desk and out to the front of the shop, finding a rather red-faced woman huffing and puffing as she dings the little bell over and over again.
“I’m so sorry,” I wince, but she keeps slamming her hand on the bell, glaring at me.
“Some customer service this is,” she says above the ringing.
