Their eyes light up at the suggestion of surprising me; meanwhile, I’m spiraling further into the ground.
I am so utterly fucked it isn’teven funny.
They make a whole plan for tomorrow and despite my very real internal crash out, watching her with them, making them both feel special has my heart thudding and skipping inside my chest.
“You ever stop to think that maybe she needs a reason to stay?”
My brother’s words ring through my head with the sound of their laughter and voices. Am I enough?
Are all my broken pieces enough for her?
Beneath the table, I feel something touch the side of my foot, a gentle tap, and when I glance over at her, she’s already looking my way as if she just knows and can read every thought running through my head.
“They’re doing that thing adults do,” Caleb pouts.
“What thing?” Rosie frowns, and when I look at my daughter, she’s staring really hard at the two of us. Juni places a hand over her mouth to cover her laugh.
“Talking but not talking. It’s annoying.”
“How can you talk without talking?”
“Like that,” Caleb points at the two of us, as if that has all the answers in the world.
Reaching under the table, I give Juni’s thigh a squeeze and then get up, clearing up the plates.
Caleb joins me at the sink while I wash up, taking the towel for drying duty, but his eyes are on the woman reading with his sister.
“Is she staying, Dad?” he asks me quietly and, dare I say it,hopefully.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I look at my son.
“You want her to?”
He drops his eyes to his hands, fidgeting on his feet, “I like her a lot.”
Sighing, I feel my shoulders droop. “Me too, bud.”
“Like adults?” He asks me.
“What do you mean?”
“Like Uncle Roman and Aunt Niamh.” He blinks up at me, completely innocent, “Like when you were with Mom.”
Fuck.
Juni tips her head back and laughs at something Rosie says, my little girl climbing onto her knees to get closer to her as if the sound is as good to her as it is to me.
Little does Juni know, she’s making meandmy kids fall in love with her. I can’t even say I blame them either.
“Yeah,” the word scratches out my throat. “Just likethat.”
“It’s okay,” Caleb nods firmly. “I don’t mind.”
A sudden laugh bursts from me, “Glad I have your approval, son.”
He gives me a wide grin and runs off toward the living room to join the girls. All I can do is watch them, praying to whatever is out there that I somehow don’t fuck this up and give the only woman who has been able to speak to my cold, dead heart a reason to leave.
Juniper Scott has been my undoing; she’s picked apart my seams and crawled straight into my soul. I’m not sure there’s anything I won’t do for her. No length I won’t go to, no boundary I won’t cross.
