Shifting uncomfortably, I try to bring back my hand, but Juni refuses to let go of it. The relationship with my daughter doesn’t change, but talking about it hurts. One day I will have to tell her that, biologically, she isn’t mine. It terrifies me that there’s a possibility she won’t choose me back.
“After the affair, I had a DNAtest done.”
“Silas…” Juni breathes.
“She isn’t my biological daughter, but sheismine. I’ve raised her, cared for her. I’m the one who bandaged her knees when she fell and hurt herself; I put her to bed and read her stories. I’m the one who knows how many berries she likes on her pancakes and the exact brand of chocolate milk she drinks. No one else, it’s me. I am her dad.”
“You are,” Juni whispers.
“She was too young to really remember her mom,” I continue, “So it hasn’t affected her the way it did Caleb, but I know she’s curious, just like anyone would be. She doesn’t know anything else.”
“She’s yours.” Juni agrees, and I nod.
“I’m so sorry.” She squeezes my hand.
I press the button to wind down my window and allow fresh air in.
“I gave up on love a long time ago.”
“Because you were hurt,” Juni sighs, “I get that.”
The back of my head bumps against the headrest.
I gave up on love a long time ago, but for you, I’m willing to try again.
I don’t say that out loud; instead, I revel in the feel of her soft hand in mine, how she tries to give me her comfort through the contact. Little does she know she doesn’t need to try; she just does. Her mere presence is enough: the sound of her voice, thesight of her smile. Her touch could bloom flowers, spark life into the things long thought dead.
How do I tell her I want her to stay? To try this thing together. We’ve both been hurt in ways that should have closed us down, and for me, it did. Until her.
“Thank you for trusting me with that,” she eventually says. “I know that must be heavy.”
I don’t say anything in return, and the cab falls quiet as we make the last stretch to the ranch.
When I turn onto the road, I feel her stiffen, but still, she doesn’t let go of me, and I have to wonder how much she needs that to ground her, just the same way I need it in return.
I pull the truck to a stop and cut the engine.
Something is different.
It’s too quiet.
I can’t see anyone in the fields or working the horses, no people at the barns or on the equipment.
“Where is everyone?” Juni releases my hand and reaches for the handle to let herself out just as the front door swings open and a furious looking Cal steps onto the porch.
His eyes burn into both of us through the windshield, hands wrapping around the top rung of the porch railing. When Juni gets out, I’m quick to follow, meeting her at the front of the truck.
Cal’s eyes flick between the two of us, back and forth and then again before his mouth twists in disgust.
“Whoring yourself out already?” He spits, eyes burning into where Juni stands at my side. “Your side of the bed is barely cold and here you are, legs spread for the next man who showed you some attention.”
“Watch your fucking mouth,” I snap, placing my body slightly in front of hers as if I can protect her from the blow of his words.
Cal chuckles, “Good, isn’t she?” He stares me down, feeling big and strong standing above me on the porch. “Pussy that sucks you in, am I right? Moans pretty too.”
A hand clamps around my arm, stopping me from moving closer. My nails bite into my palms with how hard my hand is fisted, fucking ready to use his face as a punching bag. “Don’t. It’s what he wants.”
“And I’ll give it to him.” I growl under my breath, “No one gets to talk about you that way.”
