Roz was glad he broke the ice because she wasn’t quite sure how she was going to. Or even if she should.
She looked at him. And nodded her head. “Everybody’s fine. Big Daddy went back to Maine and Amelia dropped by.”
“Anybody heard from Hammer?”
Roz shook her head. “Nope. Not even Millie. And she’s tired of it.”
“She should be. She’s going to divorce his ass for real this time if he doesn’t straighten up.”
When Mick said those words that could have easily been applied to him, he and Roz shared a glance. But neither could sustain it and quickly looked away. Especially Mick. Because every fiber of his being was telling himself that very same thing. But only with more venom:You fool. You stupid fool! How could you allow your dumb ass to lose this precious lady?How???
And that was why he stopped with the small talk and got down to business. Why prolong his agony? “Why are you here, Rosalind?” he asked her. Then he decided to be vulnerable and verbalize his greatest wish: “Did you have a change of heart?”
Roz looked at him. “A change of heart?” Then she shook her head. “No.”
Mick’s heart sank. A small part of him, when she first walked in, had been hopeful. Now even that was gone.
But then Roz said: “My heart never changed for me to have a change of heart.”
Mick didn’t realize that his eyes had looked away from her, and looked so downcast, until she said those words. He looked at her again. “What do you mean?”
She almost blurted it out. But she hesitated as if she was still trying to figure it out herself. Then she exhaled. “You’re infuriating, Michello. You are the most infuriating human being I have ever met in the entirety of my life. Most times I’m amazed we lasted this long. I was the kind of girl who didn’t take anybullshit from a man. As soon as my bullshit antenna went up, I booked. I bounced. I left his ass in the dust.”
Then she paused again. And Mick’s heart that wanted to soar began to sink again.
“But I realized we lasted this long because you never bullshitted me.” She looked at Mick. Mick was staring at her. “You told me from jump that you was a hard man who would give me a hard life and if I had any brains at all I’d run.” She smiled. Mick couldn’t even fathom smiling. He was in too much inward turmoil to even consider such a thing.
But Roz was used to that too. She continued talking. “Most of my friends were certain we wouldn’t make it a full year. And the idea that I would pack up my life and move to Philly to be with a reputed mob boss was insanity to them. Hell it was insanity to me! But I did it. And here we are.”
Then the look on her face changed. She was confident and matter-of-fact. Now a look of grave concern pierced her armor. And Mick believed, in that moment, that she was as anguished as he was.
Roz continued talking. “I had to ask myself why am I done with this man? What did he do this time that he didn’t do a million times before?”
“I cheated on you,” Mick said.
But Roz was shaking her head. “No you didn’t. You was a player who was still trying to navigate what being a one-woman man looked like. It wasn’t as if you knew anybody who’d ever been a one-woman man. Not even Big Daddy, back in the day, could claim that mantle. But you said something to me that touched me deeply.”
Mick was hanging on to her every word. “What did I say?”
“You said from the moment I stepped foot in Philadelphia, you’ve been faithful to me. And I do know, Mick,how incredibly difficult that was for you. I’ve seen the lengths these hoes will go to be with you.”
Mick couldn’t take it anymore. “Roz, what are you saying? You’re killing me over here. Please just tell me what you’re saying to me.”
Roz shook her head. That was Mick. He was no bullshitter. He was no liar. “I’m saying, you big lug,” she said, “that life with you has been hard as hard can be. No lie. No shade. But it’s also been the most exhilarating life I could have ever imagined for myself.”
Mick got back up on his elbows. Was she saying what he thought she was saying?
“I can trust you with my life, Mick. And when I need help, you don’t walk to my aid, you run. And you fix it. Because you know what you’re doing. You always have. What I look like giving that up to do what? Marry an accountant? Or a school teacher? Or God forbid, an actor?!” She shook her head. “I can’t leave you, Mick. I just can’t.”
But before she even got those last words out of her mouth, Mick had grabbed her, pulled her on top of him, and was hugging her and cryingoh Rozso many times that she couldn’t help but laugh. It was as if his reaction alone was her confirmation that coming there and putting it all on the line had been the absolute right choice.
Mick looked into her eyes. An unshed tear was in his eye. “I will never let you regret your decision.”
Roz smiled. “I already have. You’re squeezing me to death!”
Mick laughed too, and eased his grip on her.
But then his look turned serious. And so did hers. They understood the enormity of her decision. Every year, or maybe even every few months, they would go through it and Roz wouldeither leave or kick him out or threaten to leave. It was the nature of their tumultuous relationship.
