Leaving her behind meant I'd have to leave him behind, too, and everything he and Liz were together, but I tried. I try still—to forget about him. Because in the end, I needed my new family's suffering to end.
We each wrote a letter to Liz and read them aloud. We buried them below the roots of her tree. We were never coming back. That was the whole point—leaving those words with her so that we could be free forever.
Today I broke that promise. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I wasn’t thinking. I told myself on the train that I was coming back for him…
This is where I left him.
This is where I left Liz.
I hold my breath as I brush the leaves off the hatch I’m sitting beside. I stand, lean forward, and wrench it open. The door swings back, releasing a decade of cold dark air that hits my face and makes me recoil.
I stand at the edge and look down. I know what going down these steps will do to me. I have known since the train. Since the bus. Since before that, probably.
I have to duck my head at the threshold, which surprises me. It’s quiet. Windowless. I take a few steps and sit in the middle of the stairwell, looking down on the room. On the big cage in the corner. Everything else is gone. I sit very still, and then my phone rings, and I don’t move for a few more seconds before I answer it.
Pulling it out, I answer, “Elise?” My own voice comes back to me like a stranger’s.
“Oh. My. God. Blesk! You turned your phone back on. Where are you? I couldn’t track you. What is the point of having a stalker app if you don’t let me stalk you! Everyone is so worried. Jaxon and Konnor have been all over campus looking for you and then when you didn’t come home... It’s 5:30 a.m. Where did you sleep last night?”
I didn’t.“On the train.” I press the phone hard against my ear, but her voice barely reaches me, the reception is poor and her voice crackles.
“On a train? What do you mean? Where are you?”
“Um.” I watch a beetle cross the bottom step. How did you get down here? “Konnor was looking for me?”
“Oh my God, Blesk, seriously? Of course he was looking for you. He lost it. You just ran off. He looked for you everywhere. He got really drunk and ended up knocking himself out when he fell over. Why did you turn off your phone?”
God, it’s been hours…
I press my palm flat against the cold concrete step. Konnor, passed out on the floor somewhere. Because of me.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Elise’s voice pitches up. “We don’t care about that. Please just tell me you’re safe. When will you be home?”
“Erik is coming to get me.”
“Okay. I’ll tell Jaxon.” A long pause. I can hear her breathing. She can hear mine. “Blesk?”
“Yes.”
“What’s going on? You walked away with Konnor and then just—ran. Did he do something? Did he hurt you?”
The beetle has reached the ground level. I watch it disappear into the cage. “Konnor didn’t do anything.” I close my eyes. “It’s not something I can get into right now.”
“So it’s something bad, hey? Okay, I’m not gonna pressure you to tell me anything. I will be here for you, though. Whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me.”
I don’t say anything for a moment. The beetle is gone. “That sounds really good, Elise.”
“I’m small,” she adds, “but I’m scrappy. I’ll kick Konnor’s arse if he hurt you!”
“It wasn’t anything Konnor did.”
“When will I see you?”
The cold comes up through the concrete and into my palms. “I don’t know. Maybe tomorrow?”
“Seriously? Don’t shut me out. I know I’m a new friend, but I don’t care. I want to be there for you.”
