“Did you..." She sniffles and shuffles her bare feet on the carpet. “Do you have her number?”
“I don’t think so. I’ll delete it if I do.” I groan and rub my face roughly with my palms. “I didn’t cheat on you. I can’t fucking stand the thought of you thinking I’d cheat.”
She gives me a sad little nod. “I know that in your head you weren’t cheating on me. I know that.”
Yeah… Nah.
That’s not true.
I sigh, shaking my head. “In my head, I cheated on you beforeI even met you, Duch. Every time. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I regret every girl before you.”
A tear drops to her cheek. “She said you hooked up, and I just couldn’t breathe when she said that. I wasn’t even really mad at you. I was jealous, and… I told you we were just friends, so you didn’t owe me anything, but it still hurts so much. I can't imagine a worse feeling. It’s sickening. I’m scared of this feeling. I’m so scared of wanting you this much.” Panic fills her voice. “Or you wanting someone else. I can’t even imagine you with anyone else. God,please, Konnor, if you don’t want me, just?—”
I grip her thighs again, staring harder, the tension in my frown aching. “I only want you, Blesk Bellamy.”
Her eyes fill with something else, and two words drop between us like a heavy secret. “Show me.”
“What?”
"She said you treated her like a whore, threw her around, and then I remembered Pemberton. The way you were together, so aggressive. I thought about how… I imagine you are with girls. Like… forceful and dominant.” She laughs evasively. “But you do just want me? Just not like that."
I wipe a tear from her cheek with my thumb. “I only want you. In every way I can have you.”
She sinks slightly. “I feel like I’m going crazy.”
“Join the crazy club.” I laugh once, but it’s short. She’s not saying something. “You can be the deputy of the crazy club if you want, but I already got dibs on president.”
She offers me a soft smile. “Konnor, I’m so crazy…” She pauses, words seemingly stuck in her throat. "I love you—I am so crazy in love with you.”
My heart fucking flips.
She loves me?
She said those words. I heard them. Absorb them. Fucking store them inside my chest for keeps. I’ve waited a long time to hear her say that.
“Fuck,Blesk.” I’m barely holding myself together. “I love you. I love you so fucking much.” I chuckle and shake my head slowly from side to side. “And I don’t want to be messy with you, Blesk. I don’t want to dominate you.”
“Why?”
Huh?
Why?
I look at her, blink, mouth open, brows still crossed and aching—serious.What…“Wait. Do you want me to be like that with you, Blesk?”
She turns her face away from me. “Forget it.”
Oh, hell no.“No, no, let’s talk.” I touch her cheek, guiding her attention back to me. “Everything, remember? Get it out. Let me see all of you. Let me hear what this is about.”
“I’ve only ever been a secret.”
“I’m not… I’m not following.”
“In the dark. In my room.” I watch her exhale slowly, trying to steady her own breath. “With a hand over my mouth or a pillow or the sheets covering me, hiding me, hiding us.”
I see red, my mind flooding with fucked-up images. I ball my hands into fists but try to man the fuck up. She doesn’t need me to make this about me, my fucking issues, my fucking rage. She needs this to be about her.
“Okay…” I grind out, my voice dark and strained even to my own ears. “What do you want, Duchess? You want me todisrespectyou? Treat you like my little whore?”
