‘Hugh,’ Amy choked out, ‘you know I never–wenever—’
She’d been going to say ‘talked about marriage’ or ‘discussed a long-term commitment’, but there was a lump in her throat that speech couldn’t get past. A prickly heat was gathering behind her eyes and she fought to regain control of them. She’d never cried in front of anyone at work before and she didn’t intend to start now.
‘I never meant for this to happen,’ she finally whispered, entirely honestly. ‘I never wanted to hurt you.’
He scoffed at her, either disbelieving or disinterested– she wasn’t sure which. Nor was she sure that ‘hurt’ was the right word for his reaction to what had happened between them; ‘outraged’ felt closer to the mark. It was as if he thought a yes to his proposal was merely his due– that after six months of wooing and spoiling her, and in return for more of the same, agreeing to ‘be his forever’, as he’d put it, was the least she could do.
The attention he’d lavished on her, Amy now saw, was payment upfront for her future compliance; he was furious that she’d reneged on a bargain she’d never even realised she was making.
‘You’ve made a fool of me, Amy,’ he said bitterly, ‘and you’ve made a mockery of the life we were building together, both personallyandprofessionally … God, I had such hopes for us– I thought we’d be a husband-and-wife team, eventually running this place together. Surely you knew that? We’d have been incredible.Unstoppable. Yet now … Well. I wonder whether we should be working anywhere near one another at all.’
He spread his hands as if to draw her attention to the space they were standing in– as if to remind her that this whole place and everything in it belonged to his family. This was their business, and had been for generations. On the other hand, despite her long years of grit and graft, H-K was a workplace that Amy had no roots in, that she could easily lift herself out of … Or be unceremoniouslyoustedfrom, in just the same way as she had been from the South Bank flat.
As for Hugh’s claim that she must have intuited his plan for them to take over one day … Absolutely not. But dangling a dream job in front of her at the same time as implying that she might be advised to leave her current role was a brilliant way to drive home what refusing to marry him might have cost her. It was a clear manipulation, so cold and contrived that it made Amy’s stomach turn.
‘Well,’ Hugh said, almost smiling at what Amy knew must be the slack expression on her face. ‘Something to think about, perhaps.’
Then he turned and strode from the room, leaving Amy immobilised with a still-empty mug in her hand, clutched so tight she thought it might crack.
‘Amy?’ said a voice behind her. Carolyn’s.Great. Her boss wasn’t renowned for her sensitivity– more for ‘getting shit done’ with the least regard possible for individuals’ personal preferences, problems or opinions. Ordinarily, Amy rather admired her– but right now she didn’t feel capable of shoving her troubles down far enough to discuss next month’s upcoming publications or the effectiveness of this or that marketing push.
To her surprise, she felt a hand settle gently on her left shoulder. The motion was so unexpected, she jumped in shock.
‘My office,’ Carolyn said. ‘Let’s go.’ She twisted and bent forward so she could look at Amy’s face, which was still turned towards the coffee maker. Carolyn pressed her lips together and shook her head slightly. Amy wasn’t sure whether she was being warned not to cry, or if Carolyn was simply betraying a shade of exasperation at the intrusion of emotions into the workplace. Without saying anything else, she lightly steered Amy out of the kitchen and back through the editorial team towards the door to the stairwell.
‘Head up,’ she said, her voice quiet but clipped. ‘You’re not Hester bloody Prynne.’
Somehow, despite everything, this made Amy want to laugh. She swallowed the urge before it could seize her, and she and Carolyn began to climb the stairs.
They went up two floors to the part of the building where Howard-Knight’s senior management team was based. Amy’s feet felt like dead weights by the time she’d dragged them up four twisting flights of steps, but Carolyn marched as though she would brook no delay.
When they arrived at her office, she gestured for Amy to sit down and then shut the door. Amy felt like a problem pupil who’d been summoned by the headmistress. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in here; in fact, she was pretty sure her last two performance reviews had taken place at Carolyn’s favourite wine bar.
Carolyn lowered herself into the leather-upholstered desk chair opposite Amy and brushed a swoop of silver hair off her forehead. ‘So,’ she said, her voice heavy. ‘It’s all gone tits up with Hugh Howard.’
Amy nodded assent as Carolyn folded her arms and sighed. She looked as elegant and businesslike as ever in a chic, single-breasted black blazer, matching cigarette pants and a sea-green cashmere sweater. Carolyn’s hair, Amy thought, was her trademark: an unfussy but immaculate crop, cut tight into the nape of her neck but left longer and more textured on top. On some women it might be dowdy, and Amy was pretty sure a style like this would render her a dead ringer for a prepubescent schoolboy. On Carolyn, though, it was insouciant and sexy– more so than ever since she’d embraced going grey.
‘Well, I hate to say I told you so,’ Carolyn went on, wiping a short-nailed but carefully manicured hand across her face.
‘You didn’t tell me anything!’ Amy cried, sounding wounded and rather more curt than she’d meant to.
‘Didn’t I?’ Carolyn asked, apparently surprised at herself. ‘Oh. I really should have. Workplace relationships are almost always a disaster. Trust me, I have age on my side– not to mention three ex-husbands.’
Amy buried her face in her hands. While she was frustrated with Carolyn, she was also grateful for her temporary removal from the office floor. When she looked up Carolyn was studying her, a speculative look in her precisely lined grey eyes.
‘Hepromisedme that if things didn’t work out, we could go back to being just colleagues,’ Amy said. Even to her own ears, she sounded callow.
She tried again. ‘We promised one another thatthis’– Amy flapped her hands, gesturing around her at the building– ‘would stay completely separate fromthat.’
Carolyn rolled her eyes and Amy winced, sure she was about to get a lecture on how stupid she’d been. Instead, Carolyn wrinkled her nose and snorted: ‘And now, I suppose, he’s strongly implying that your future here is in doubt because your romantic liaison is over. It’s amazing how promises to be forbearing are forgotten the moment a man like Hugh’s pride gets hurt. No doubt if he’d been the one to end things, he’d be strutting around with his head held high– oozing magnanimity but explaining that it was all too much, too soon.’
This assessment of Hugh immediately struck Amy as both uncharitable and one hundred per cent accurate. She knew in her bones that Carolyn was right: that if it had been him who’d chosen to finish their relationship, he’d have told everyone they’d decided to be ‘just good friends’, then expected Amy to take the high road and keep things professional no matter how she might be feeling deep down.
‘The trouble is, under these circumstances Hugh can claim emotional ruin– and it’s clear he’s going to make life at H-K difficult for you if you stay,’ Carolyn said bluntly.
She wasn’t known for pulling her punches, but this really hurt. It was painful for Amy to think that anyone– especially someone whose bed she was sharing just a few days ago– could hate her enough to want her hounded out of her job. Even worse, it was nauseating to think that in this day and age he might actually manage it.
‘Surely I can’t be sacked for refusing to marry someone?’ Amy heard herself say. ‘This is 2022, not 1822.’
