‘Yeah,’ Rachel sighed. ‘I don’t know why I was surprised, to be honest. It’s even a red sports car – it’s like he’stryingto embody the rich-playboy stereotype.’
Anna laughed. ‘Have you been back long?’ She gestured at Rachel’s comfy clothes and fluffy polka-dot slipper socks.
‘Long enough to try and shower the cold out of my bones,’ Rachel explained. ‘It turns out vintage vehicles have really rubbish heaters.’
‘Right,’ Anna said, then closed her eyes in slow motion as her jaw went slack with shock. ‘Oh my God. You’ve not done anything stupid, have you? Anything you might regret? Anything you might ordinarily, er … shower after?’
It took Rachel a few seconds to fully fathom Anna’s meaning. ‘Oh my God,no. Are you mad? What on earth would make you think that?!’
Anna stared at her, apparently still suspicious.
‘You can’t seriously think I’m so pathetic that within a couple of weeks of him reappearing I’d end up sleeping with him!’ Rachel cried.
‘You’re blushing,’ Anna pointed out. ‘Your whole head’s gone pink. Even yourneckhas gone pink. Which means you’ve at least thought about it at some point today.’
Rachel groaned and buried her face in a squashy, flax-coloured scatter cushion.
‘I don’t know what you want from me, Anna,’ she said when she re-emerged. ‘I hate him for what he did, but I can stillsee. He’s really screwed me over by a) turning up again, and b) not becoming a total minger since we left uni.’
Anna rolled her eyes. ‘Minging is as mingingdoes, in my book.’
Rachel had slumped in her seat and was staring up at the ceiling, avoiding Anna’s gaze. After a pause she sighed, twisted her body so she was facing her friend and said, ‘You’re right. As usual. But just so you know, I have reason to believe Jack’s married – so no matter where my mind might wander during weak moments, nothing is going to happen.’
Anna snorted. ‘If your only reason for not jumping him is that it would involve one of you being unfaithful, I am not in any way reassured.’
Rachel hid behind her cushion again, annoyed that the deployment of information she’d deliberately held back hadn’t had the impact she’d expected. Anna placed her hands on top of the pillow, then gently pushed it out of the way.
‘Rach,’ she said, her blue eyes wide with worry and her voice devoid of sarcasm. ‘I’m not winding you up just for the fun of it, you know. I don’t want to see you get hurt. I know Jack has this …thing. This ability to get under your skin where other men haven’t. I only wish I understood it.’
Rachel half-smiled and shook her head. ‘I don’t think that’s it,’ she said, her voice low, as if she was confessing. ‘I’ve been thinking a bit about what happened lately, for obvious reasons. It’s like … I was young when I met him, but feltold. I was careful and responsible all the time, and I think I’d got tired of it without even noticing. And suddenly I was away from home, where the only feelings at stake were my own. Jack was exciting … When he wanted something – or someone– he just went for it. I wondered what it would be like to be that way. He kept trying to get close to me, and eventually I let him because Iwantedto – because he was gorgeous, because it felt so good to be out of control for a change. The whole thing was a rush – just one with a hideously painful comedown. But I learned my lesson.’
‘So you’re telling me Jack doesn’t have superpowers?’
‘Nope. He’s just really,reallygood-looking. And I was a walking cliché: the archetypal good girl who found him irresistible. On some level, I suppose I still do.’
‘Hmm,’ Anna said, frowning. ‘When you say you learned your lesson … I wonder: do you ever think you might have taken it a bit far? I’ve never known you to get so swept up in anyone else, since Jack. Do you think there’s a chance you avoid “the rush” nowadays? On purpose?’
‘What?’
‘Well, think about it. Laurence might recently have revealed himself as a total tosser, but he was hardly mad, bad and dangerous to know, was he? I can’t imagine he made your knees quiver with chat about how to calculate investment risk. In fact, when was the last time you went out with anyone who didn’t like you more than you liked them? When was the last time you really fell for someone?’
Anna’s face was bright, lit from within – electrified by the power of what she clearly considered a lightbulb moment.
‘Okay,stop,’ Rachel moaned. ‘You sound like one of those cod psychologists off daytime TV. It’s a very neat theory, but the idea that I’m going out of my way to date dullards is ludicrous.’
Anna crossed her arms. ‘I didn’t saydullards, and I didn’t say you were doing it consciously.’
‘I’m not doing itat all. Now please can we talk about something else? Literally anything else? Lately I feel like my entire life would fail the Bechdel test. Every conversation I have ends up being about men.’
On some level Rachel meant this – though it was also a convenient way to shut down Anna’s attempt to analyse her, which she’d found distinctly uncomfortable.
‘D’you know what?’ Anna said. ‘You’re right. Let’s not talk about men any more tonight. Let’s go out! Let’s go to the cinema – we haven’t been together in ages. We could just get the bus to Muswell Hill and see the next thing that’s showing at the Everyman, even if it’s crap. We can eat popcorn and chocolate and get slushies instead of cooking dinner.’
Rachel motioned towards her outfit. ‘But I’m in my scruffs. I’ve taken my make-up off,’ she said.
‘Dude, you’re going to be sitting in the dark. And everyone around you will be looking at the big screen – not at you or your slightly bobbled jumper. Come on. Live a little! Let’s do this.’
Not for the first time, Rachel’s will to resist collapsed under the weight of Anna’s enthusiasm. She heaved herself up off the sofa, pushed her feet into the Doc Marten boots that had been thrown at her and grabbed her coat from the hook by the front door.
