‘I’d absolutely love one, thank you.’
Clara was too nervous to fiddle with the percolator and found her hand unsteady as she heaped the coffee into one of the few mugs that weren’t wrapped up in newspaper.
‘So,’ said Clara sitting down opposite Tom at the kitchen table.
‘So,’ said Tom with a smile.
Clara played with her mug, tracing the design of the butterfly with her finger. She normally had a conversation for any occasion but today she didn’t know what to say.
‘How have you been doing?’ she said, eventually.
‘Great. I’m doing a lot better now. I learned so much about myself while I was in there.’
‘Wonderful. I’m glad to hear that, Tom.’
‘I want you to know that I can’t apologise enough for putting you through all of that. I’m still embarrassed. Utterly mortified, actually. I know I need to do more than bring around a fancy bouquet and that’s not nearly enough after what I’ve put you through, but I wanted you to know that I don’t blame you for not visiting me. Why would you want to see me? I didn’t want to be aroundmyself! You were right to stay away and the thought of getting better, so I could come and see you, is what kept me going.’
Tom took a breath and laid his hand against his breastbone.
‘Honestly, had you visited, perhaps I’d have thought you’d stick around regardless of my behaviour. But I knew you meant business; you wouldn’t put up with someone like me. I’m glad you showed me that. It made me realise that if I wanted the woman I was falling in love with I’d have to fight for her, and that meant fighting for myself first.’
She was surprised by his admission. It was the first time a man had ever shown any serious interest in her.
‘Thanks for explaining that. I’m really flattered. I just wish you’d have told me from the start about your problem. There were so many times I almost ordered you a drink, or assumed you’d want one. If I’d have known maybe things could have been different between us.’
‘I should have told you and that was my mistake. There were so many times I went to open my mouth and explain but I didn’t want to scare you away. What we had was too good to spoil. I kept wanting to tell you but then we’d have the perfect day again and again and how could I spoil it? Plus, if I’m being honest with you, I was terrified. You’re the only good thing to happen to me in a very, very long time, and if you’d have known the truth about me... Well... I still managed to push you away by keeping it from you. It was so stupid of me and I’m so sorry.’
Clara nodded. He certainly did push her away but as he sat in her living room, she saw a glimmer of the old Tom she thought she knew. He appeared to be genuinely repentant.
‘I came here today to see if you would consider us trying again. Clara, you’re the most special woman I’ve ever met. We had such fun times together. What we had is too good to lose.’
‘It was good, yes. I’m glad you felt the same. It’s just, so much has happened between us since we had those carefree days when we seemed to have everything on our side. I’m not sure we can get back to where we were.’
‘I know, but please understand that I felt as though I didn’t deserve such an amazing woman.’
The tears welled up as Tom looked at Clara. All those emotions that she had tried to bury and the disappointment of what he had done resurfaced as she looked at him. She didn’t know what to think, but she did know how much she had missed this man.
As they made eye contact, Tom desperately wanted to hold her.
‘Could we have a hug?’
‘Absolutely.’
Tom stood up and held Clara. It felt so good to have her in his arms again. He could have cradled her forever.
‘Oh, Tom. I’ve missed your hugs.’
‘I’ve missed your hugs too and everything else we had. Look at us – we’d be foolish to lose this.’
‘I know, but I’m afraid it’s a bit too late. I’ve got something important to tell you.’
She was unsure how to break the news to him.
‘Have you met someone else?’ Tom’s eyes widened. He had lost so much in his life but losing Clara would be too much to bear.
‘No, Tom. Goodness, no. I’m leaving. I’m moving to Cambridge.’
Tom’s composure surprised her as she watched the relief spread across his face.
