You’re so beautiful, Clara, both inside and out, and I hope that we can be together again. I want to be well again and have you in my arms. Will you visit me soon? It would mean so much to see you. I do understand also if you don’t contact me and if not then I promise not to bother you. I will accept whatever decision you make, and I want to assure you that I am getting better for myself, regardless of your decision.
My love, always, Tom xxx
P.S. Please don’t let anyone know where I am. It’s mortifying enough that you know!
* * *
It had taken Tom almost an hour to write that. He still had so much he wanted to tell her but wasn’t quite ready. After Pat had promised he would post it for him, he wondered how long it would take until he saw Clara’s lovely smiling face peeping around the door. When would she visit him? Would she come running straight in as soon as she received it? He wasn’t sure what the visiting hours were and for a moment he allowed himself to imagine her running in and demanding she see him immediately and clashing with the staff in her hurry. He knew that she would never really clash with anyone, but he imagined himself in a movie scene and the woman he had fallen in love with was desperate to embrace him.
As he sat on the sterile green chair in his room, he prayed to God for forgiveness and promised that he really would change this time. He would go to church again, give up all his spare time for charities and do random acts of kindness daily, even if Clara chose not to return to him.
* * *
What Tom didn’t know was that after reading his letter, she had made up her mind. She felt certain that Tom had issues that were bigger than alcohol and it was better that he worked on himself now. He needed to rid himself of all that emotional baggage before embarking on any relationship.
She looked at the letter beside her once more. Then she grabbed a piece of writing paper, along with her fancy ink pen, and started writing Tom a letter in return.
Dear Tom,
Thank you for your letter. I am sorry to hear you’re in rehab, although it is definitely in your best interest. I would very much like to see you there, but I don’t think that’s a good idea at this stage.
I’m afraid it’s too late for us. We were good while it lasted but everything is too complicated. Now isn’t the time for you to invest in a relationship. You need to concentrate on your healing. Besides, I have something to tell you.
Tomorrow I’m going for an interview for a post in Cambridge. If I’m successful then I’ll be leaving Oxford and I guess by the time you’d come out of rehab, I’d be gone. I mean, there’s no guarantees I’ll get it, but...
Oh, Tom, it’s been so wonderful getting to know you. You have given me the best times I’ve ever had with anyone and I want you to know that, so thank you.
I wish you the very best with your rehabilitation. Good luck with your recovery programme.
Goodbye, my dear, darling Tom.
My love, always,
Clara xx
Just as the tear had escaped onto Tom’s chest when she found him, a single tear fell on her letter and the last line blurred into oblivion. Like their relationship, the letter was ruined. Clara scrunched the writing paper up and threw it in the wastebasket.
ChapterTwenty-Five
Clara was always punctual and never missed a day’s work. So Lawrence was mystified when she needed a day’s leave in the middle of the week. He figured it must be down to the fact that she was no longer smiling the way she had been. He didn’t want to ask questions in case it was what he called ‘female stuff’. It also dawned on him that there might have been some sort of lover’s tiff if she had been in love as he had previously suspected, and he didn’t want to hear the gory details. He was her boss, not her counsellor, after all.
* * *
Clara had arrived twenty minutes early for her interview and rehearsed all the questions she could think they would ask as she sat in the car. However, as she drove home, she dissected everything she had said. Should she have told Bryony that she was so dedicated to St Peter’s? She had intended for it to come across as her being a diligent worker, but now she began thinking that they may not take her application seriously. What if they assumed she wouldn’t take the job if she was to be successful since she was so committed? Then, when they asked her what she would bring to King’s College, she had gone blank. She was frustrated with the interview nerves she had encountered. Although the one question she hadn’t been prepared to answer was how she dealt with theological differences within the congregation or her leadership. That was a tricky one on the spur of the moment, as the truth was that it usually involved some kind of food offering. Her brownies solved any conflict but she wasn’t sure that was the answer they were looking for. In addition, how she managed the ministry work and maintained a healthy work-life balance was another question she found difficult. For much of her life she lived for work and had never really worked to live. Although she was pleased with the fact that she had answered the questions about student welfare satisfactorily. After all, nobody could do more for the students than Clara.
When the interview had finished, Bryony had taken her on a show-around and Clara liked what she saw. Everyone had been lovely and welcoming and, after such an efficacious visit, Clara could see that King’s College would be a great place to work. From the little she had seen of the city of Cambridge, overall, she felt she could be happy there. Although she wasn’t sure that she would ever be as settled as she was in Oxford, but that was only natural when you were living in your home town and your best friend lived close by.
Clara thought about it all as she got stuck in traffic on the way home on the A421. She tried to be positive about so many aspects, including seeing Lowri again. She had been super helpful with the interview advice. It was obvious Lowri had been rooting for Clara to get the post from the start so that they could work together again. Clara could imagine that Bryony would also be easy to work with. Overall, the visit was positive and when Clara said goodbye, Bryony promised her that she would hear about the post in the next two weeks since there were still others to be interviewed. She was curious as to whether she knew any of her competitors, but she could hardly ask around as she needed to keep her application low key for now. She hoped nobody would let the cat out of the bag, and that she hadn’t been spotted by anyone. There was no reason for anyone in Oxford to know, apart from Eleanora who had made her promise they would go to the pizza place that Amy, everyone’s favourite student, worked in, the moment she returned.
‘This is on me,’ said Amy, handing Clara a glass of Prosecco as soon as she sat down.
‘Ooh, what have I done to deserve this? That’s very kind of you.’ It was exactly what Clara desired after a stressful day.
‘You’ve earned it. You’re always so amazing... And it’s also to keep you sweet. Make sure you’re still coming to my graduation. You are still coming, aren’t you? It wouldn’t be the same without you.’
‘Of course I’ll be there. Do you really think I’d miss it?’
Eleanora was never too far away and arrived as Clara chatted to Amy.
