‘It’s one way to motivate yourself,’ I said, reaching for his hand. ‘I like to work, but I try to play equally hard these days.’
Leo looked out to sea as the waiter brought over our food and we piled up our plates.
‘Work has always meant freedom to me,’ he said, spearing a slice of salami. ‘Or do I mean safety? Both probably.’
‘I know how you feel,’ I said, suddenly feeling vulnerable. ‘At least if you only rely on yourself, nobody can let you down. I grew up knowing there wouldn’t be any unexpected windfalls coming my way, so that’s how I’ve always been as well.’
‘It’s empowering and frightening at the same time. If things go wrong, I’ve got nobody to blame but myself.’
‘Aren’t you past the things going wrong stage now, though? You’re a CEO for goodness’ sake. You’re at the top of the tree.’
‘It just means there’s further to fall,’ Leo said, soaking his bread in olive oil. ‘I can’t imagine the fear ever leaving me forever; it always needs feeding.’
‘I have a different kind of fear, I think. Mine doesn’t drive me forward – it holds me back.’
‘In what way?’ Leo seemed genuinely interested and glad the spotlight was off him.
‘I outgrew Northstar years ago, but I’d never dare leave in case I couldn’t get anything else,’ I said, terrified at the thought. ‘I’m too old to start again.’
Leo eyed me bemused. ‘Too old for a new job, too young for a family – make up your mind. You’re not too old or too young for anything – don’t restrict yourself like that. There are enough people out there who will try and put walls around you, without you doing it to yourself.’
It was much easier to give advice than take it, but he was right. There was nothing stopping me taking my own medicine and starting Brennan PR International Limited. Apart from not having two pennies to rub together, of course.
Twenty-two
The tram juddered through the cobbled streets, slow and rickety, turning a wide corner before starting up São Jorge’s hill. Lisbon was a muted palette of reds and whites, with the occasional orange flash as the sun hit, and seeing it from this angle was a real treat. Another unforgettable experience. I felt like I’d been on this trip forever. We’d visited so many different places in such a short space of time that I’d almost forgotten what my real home was like. The home before the home before the home. Leo sat next to me with his late-lunch espresso as we bounced along the track, and he leant in to take a selfie.
‘Smile!’ he said, pulling a funny face.
Not that I needed a prompt; I was already giving him big eyes from under my falsies. I held my cup up next to his, the pair of us flouting the Italian law of no coffee after midday.
‘I’m glad we’re getting to do this,’ Leo said, kissing me on the cheek.
‘Me too. Although I feel like the others could catch us at any second.’
‘They’ll do well to find us up here.’
It was stop-start on the final leg of the route, and I slipped my hand inside Leo’s when we eventually reached the top. The tram doors exhaled and everyone piled off, following each other towards the railings where the view of Lisbon was breathtaking. Old-fashioned lamps marked out the castle perimeter, with gunmetal cannons pointing at the river on the terrace below. The history of the city was woven into everyday life as the locals returned from work, smartly dressed and carrying beautiful leather bags. Tourists sat on the castle wall and let their legs dangle free, as the bustle of city life played out around them.
‘Fancy a jaunt around the castle?’ Leo asked. ‘We can pretend we’re on a romantic minibreak.’
‘Aren’t we?’
The sun hovered on the horizon, spreading a peachy hue across the sky as we walked hand in hand along the castle parapet. Pockets of people queued for gelato and enjoyed sundowners from the pop-up bars, but we were tempted by neither as we strolled on by, eventually ending up back where we’d started. The light had shifted and the view seemed entirely different now the sun was lower, covering the city in a yellow glaze.
‘The Cristo Rei is still keeping his eye on us,’ I said, pointing out the statue across the water. The river Tagus was full of tourist boats and the city lights were gradually turning on. ‘Impressive that we can still see him all the way up here.’
‘Not bad, but it’s noAngel of the North.’
‘Similar vibe though, no? Albeit yours is the agnostic Geordie version.’
Leo chuckled. ‘My grandad worked in the coal mine it stands over, so Gran would take us up to see it on his birthday every year.’
‘You didn’t mention him before – did he raise you and your brothers as well?’
‘Nope. Just us boys and Gran. Twenty years in a coal mine wasn’t the healthiest choice of career.’
I felt a pang of sadness for both Leo and his grandmother. ‘It must have been hard for her without him. Without anyone.’
