‘Good morning sir, madam, table for two, is it?’ The waiter ran on ahead before we could answer, then waved us over. It seemed churlish not to follow when everywhere was so busy. Heidi had disappeared and I couldn’t hog a table for two on my own. ‘Here we are. Last table by the window,’ he said, flapping out the napkins and laying them on our laps.
‘Wonderful, thank you,’ Leo said, palming him ten euros.
‘My pleasure, sir. Enjoy your breakfast.’
He was such a smooth operator. That would probably get him the best table every morning for the entire trip.
‘Alright, moneybags. Tipping already?’
‘Always,’ he said, turning serious. ‘I’ve got an American mindset when it comes to service, and I like to share the wealth.’
I nodded. ‘Very noble of you. Must be nice to have it in the first place.’
His smile faltered for a millisecond and then the mask returned as he chopped a slice of watermelon into chunks.
‘Listen, Kat, I’m glad we’ve got a few minutes to ourselves, as I thought maybe we should talk sooner rather than later.’
‘About what?’ I said, feigning ignorance.
‘You know what. There’s no way we can avoid each other the whole time we’re on this ship so let’s get the Engelman chat out of the way.’
‘Let’s not,’ I said, immediately clamping up.
He frowned. ‘Really? Why?’
‘It’s in the past, let’s just forget about it.’
‘Can’t we please at least have a conversation? Please? I didn’t ever get chance to explain or apologise… or anything, and I really want to. I need to.’
‘What’s to explain? We both know what happened. You presented our ideas to David Engelman as if they were your own and you got the job. You waited for your chance and the second I was off sick, you took it. Have I missed anything?’
‘Yes. Just about everything. It wasn’t like that at all.’
‘Well, you would say that. It’s my fault really, I was naïve and stupid, hoping they might find us both a job at the end, and you were just looking out for yourself.’
He looked miserable, but I didn’t care. Even talking about it after all these years upset me. ‘Am I allowed to tell you my side or are you wedded to the version you’ve made up?’
‘It’s a little late for your side now, don’t you think? About ten years too late.’
‘No,I don’t think. It’ll never be too late as far as I’m concerned.’ He was staring at me in disbelief and frustration. ‘I tried to explain at the time, for weeks… months, but you wouldn’t hear it.’
‘What was the point? The decision had already been made.’
He sighed. ‘Come on, Kat, we need to clear the air, otherwise every day of this cruise will be a misery – for both of us.’
‘We’re not here together, Leo, we’re on opposite teams, remember? We don’t even need to talk to each other.’
‘You know what I mean. We’ve both seen the schedule.’
I took a sip of my juice and stared through the kaleidoscope of salt smatterings on the window. Miles of ocean in every direction. What if we sank? I flicked my elastic band and closed my eyes.I am safe, I am safe, I am safe.
‘Are you OK?’ Leo asked, interrupting my inner spiral and bringing me back to the table.
‘Yes, fine,’ I said, quickly, pulling apart a croissant and dolloping it with jam. Maybe having ‘the conversation’ would be a good distraction from the worry of being eaten by a shark. I set my knife down and sat back. ‘Go on then. Say what you have to say.’
‘Right. Thank you, I will.’ He took a mouthful of coffee then paused. His anxious eyes were back. ‘Firstly, I wantto say I’m truly sorry for what happened. It was honestly outside my control.’
I was already raging and he’d barely started.
