Twenty-Two
Saturday 3rd October
The coals glowed orange through the ash, giving off a tar-like smell as Henrik raked them back and forth. They’d been laid out on top of the shingle next to the water and Jonas sat cross-legged at the top of the pathway, drumming out a rhythm on his bongos as we walked up. The sun had flooded the sky with burnt yellows and reds, and I could happily have spent the evening with my book, a blanket and a flask of hot chocolate, but instead we were gearing up to walk across hot coals. As you do. The others seemed giddy with excitement but there was no way I’d be putting my little piggies through it. This little piggy would be going wee, wee, wee, wee, all the way home, well before it got to me. I’d play along for a little while, though. I didn’t want to give off completely negative vibes.
I tightened my ponytail and tucked it down the back of my dress. It was covered in hairspray, and I didn’t want to take any risks while I was flammable.
‘Have you done this before?’ Ethel asked, taking off her socks.
‘Er, no. Have you?’
‘Yes, lots of times. Shaking up your belief system is the secret to an interesting life,’ she said.
‘Is it? You’ve lost me. How does this link to my belief system?’
‘Well, you believe – we all believe – the coals to be hot. Weknowthey’re hot, in fact. Our eyes tell us so. It goes against logic and our sense of safety to step on them.’
‘True.’
‘Which makes this less about hot and cold and more of a mind over matter conundrum,’ she said, her blue eyes twinkling. ‘You’ll watch as your friends somehow walk to safety, and your brain will then have two versions of the truth to contend with. Either way you’ll be challenging a belief, and once you’ve done it yourself, you’ll feel elated – trust me. That sense of achievement when you get to the other side is addictive.’
‘Totally,’ Mark piped up. ‘I’ve done it a couple of times myself.’
‘Have you?’
‘Yeah. In Goa last year. It’s easy. Focus straight ahead; don’t look down.’
‘We did it in Thailand,’ Celeste chipped in.
‘Cool,’ I said, feeling very uncool.
Everyone seemed super casual about running across an open fire and it turned out I was the only one who hadn’t done it before. I mean, who didn’t have smoking hot coals on their front lawn these days? In which case, maybe I should give it a go. I didn’t want to pass up my chance to try it in a safe environment. And thenIcould be all casual about having done it next time I found myself in this situation.Walking across hot coals? Completed it, mate.But I’d wait until the end, once everyone had checked their soles for burns and confirmed there were none. I needed two fully functioning feet. Walking was a key part of my life.
‘Gather round, everyone, please!’ Tore clapped his hands together, and we all shushed each other. The coals hissed behind him as Henrik doused them with water. Surely there was a fake section of battery-operated charcoal that we’d run over? My travel insurance wouldn’t cover self-harm.Oh God.‘There is nopressure at all to do this. It is an exercise in listening to yourself and pushing your limits. Even if that push means you consider the coals, then choose not to take part. That process still takes strength and courage.’
Phew. He’d given me an out. I could tell everyone I’d pushed myself on the inside and they’d never know if I really had. Not that anyone else cared. I just didn’t want Ethel to think I was a wimp.
‘We will line up here and take it in turns. Henrik will talk you through the technique, then walk alongside as you traverse the coals. He’ll even hold your hand, if you ask him nicely.’
‘Yes, please!’ Mark called out, chuckling to himself.
Henrik gave him a cool stare. ‘I’m sure you can manage.’
Jonas had upped the tempo on the drums, and we were about to begin. Ethel went first, hitching up her skirt and taking big, bouncy steps, while Henrik held on to her like a pony. Then Kimi and Yuto went together, hand in hand, skipping in time to the music as they laughed their way across.
‘Watch this,’ Mark said with a confident smirk, rolling up his trouser legs. He started clapping above his head, like an Olympic athlete preparing to do the triple jump, encouraging everyone to join in – which we felt obliged to do. Absolute cringe. Then he jogged around in a circle, gave Tore a high five and ran at the coals, hopping across them in four easy strides. If only I had his long legs, instead of my chunky skittles.
I was getting increasingly nervous. I’d mentally pushed myself enough. I’d just say no when it came to me. It didn’t matter.No one cared.Henrik had barely looked at me all evening. He obviously had a love ’em and leave ’em approach to one-and-a-half-night stands, which was fine by me. It had felt good to get all that pent-up energy out of my system. It was a shame not to be able to tee up an encore, but it would be tricky with Mark here anyway.
Everyone was quite taken with the clapping and started doing it for all the firewalkers, chanting their names as they stepped up, to give the walk a sense of drama. Then suddenly they all turned to me.
‘Sa-ra! Sa-ra! Sa-ra!’ I’d been so absorbed watching everyone else, I hadn’t realised I was the only one left and it seemed churlish to say no now. I was going to have to bloody well do it. FUCK.
Henrik came over in his professional capacity as coalmaster. ‘Are you OK?’
‘Not really.’ I laughed.
‘You don’t have to do it,’ he said earnestly. ‘There’s no pressure.’
