‘Have you been?’
He gave me a look. ‘Yeah, plenty of times. I’m not some country bumpkin, you know.’
‘I wasn’t suggesting you were!’
‘Did you think I’d lived my whole life in this forest?’
‘It was an innocent question.’
‘I was working in New York until a few years ago and travelled all over the place. Australia, Japan, London.’ He waved like a magician as if it was some far-off land. ‘I came home to helpPaand Jonas with the retreat – it was getting too much for them without my mother.’
I didn’t ask where she’d gone; we hadn’t known each other very long, and it felt wrong to pry. He’d tell me if he wanted to. ‘What were you doing in New York?’
‘Trading. Day and night, up to my neck in pressure.’ His eyes glazed over at the thought. ‘I was so ready to move back home when the time came. I was completely burnt out.’
‘I can’t imagine you doing all that ‘buy! Sell! Sell!’ up and down the trading floor. It doesn’t seem very… you.’
‘It wasn’t. And I wish I could say it felt right at the time, but it didn’t. I finished my PhD in Oslo and was offered a shit-tonne of cash to be a trainee trader in New York, and I took it.’
Well, this was a turn up for the books.
‘It must have felt like a different planet compared to all this.’ I gestured out at the silence.
‘It did. It was brutal. I could never have prepared enough for that kind of lifestyle. The pace, the panic, the anger; it was everywhere, and it was relentless. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.’
He grabbed a bag of radish seeds from the wheelbarrow and tipped a small pile out onto the table.
‘I get it. It’s hard to resist when they dazzle you with cash.’
Henrik shrugged. ‘I could have said no – I’m a big boy. We all knew the money was a stick dressed up as a carrot, but it worked. Every time I got a payout I’d thinkthree more months and then I’m gone. But the bonuses got bigger, and each quarter was more tempting than the last. I should have quit while I was ahead, but I stayed in the game too long and ended up having a breakdown.’
‘I’m so sorry to hear that.’ Why was the corporate world such a shitshow? I wanted to put my hand on his and reassure him it wasn’t his fault. ‘These hellish jobs creep up on us all. The moneymakers have a way of keeping you close and chewing you up at the same time. Holding our noses to the grindstone until we can’t take anymore.’
He gave an mirthless chuckle. ‘In a funny way I’m glad I got ill. It was a relief to have a get-out. I’d still be there, otherwise. Crawling through tunnels like a lab rat trying to find the light. I’d lost all sense of myself and wasn’t thinking straight.’
‘A perfect case study for the Firefly mind and body transformation programme!’ I said, baffled by this new information. ‘A PhD, no less. He’s fit, smartandloaded, ladiesand gentlemen. The original triple threat. Come and get him while he’s hot.’
‘Hardly.’ He gave me a bashful smile. ‘I’m certainly not loaded anymore. I had the New York job and the New York girlfriend to go with it, and my money went on living the high life – if you can call it that. A penthouse apartment, weekends in the Hamptons, expensive dinners, a driver – the lot.’
Curiouser and curiouser. Who was this guy?
‘It wasn’t all bad, then.’
‘Not all, no. The slices between work and sleep were amazing. But I was exhausted pretty much continuously.’
‘Like the rest of us, then.’
‘I made a lot of money for a lot of people and when you make it rain, they’ll do anything to keep you working. You’re a lawyer, I’m sure you know what I mean.’
His lovely bright eyes were now dark and flat.
‘I really do,’ I whispered. ‘The American dream, eh?’
He nodded despondently. ‘Jonas calls it the Norwegian nightmare. In the end I had no choice but to stop. I physically couldn’t do it anymore. Migraines so bad I couldn’t see, my back was totally fucked – you get the idea.’
‘Did the bosses care?’
‘Nope. Paid me off and replaced me with the next guy on their list. Another grad with fresh eyes and a full tank of nerve, while I got on a plane back here, completely broken.’
