‘Emma Stone, the Hollywood actress?’
He looked at me blankly. ‘Sorry – no idea. The signal is bad out here, as I said, and I’m not really one for watching films.’
Good God. ‘Not even on your laptop?’
‘My laptop is very old,’ he reasoned. ‘I’ve spent too much of my life staring at a screen; I mostly avoid them. When I’m not working, I like to take the boat out.’
The farmhouse came into view, and it was very clearly a family home. Beautiful red brick, with a cutesy porch and white shutters on every window. Picture-perfect from a distance, but as we got closer, I could see the paint was peeling on the shutters and the roof was missing a slate or two. Henrik walked me down a dirt track and my phone picked up the Wi-Fi network before we’d even reached the lounge.
‘What’s the password?’ I asked, thirsty for distraction.
‘Audhilda,’ he said, taking my phone and typing it in. ‘Do you want to sit inside while you do whatever it is you need to do?’
I nodded. ‘Yes please. I’m quite attached to my fingers.’
Henrik laughed and punched a code into the keypad, granting me access to the lounge of tech shame. It clearly hadn’t seen much action in a while. The shutters were closed, and the tables and chairs were covered in a thin layer of dust.
‘Amazing, thanks.’ The group chat was pinging off the charts and I couldn’t wait to read all the gossip.
‘And what was it you wanted again? A macchiato?’
I blushed, feeling like a prize chump. ‘No, I’m fine. I didn’t realise this was the set-up.’
‘I’m teasing. I’ll get you a coffee from the kitchen. Milk? Sugar?’
‘Splash of milk, half a sugar, please.’
HIIT me upGroup Chat
Abi: Don’t hate me, but there’s been a slight miscommunication on my part.
Kat: Go on?
Abi: Not for you – Sara.
Kat: Oh. Well, she’s not online so tell me – I won’t hate you ??????
Abi: So, it turns out the retreat Emma Stone went to was in Sweden, not Norway.
Kat: Oof, so close.
Abi: I know. Do you think she’ll be cross?
Kat: Not at all, babes! It’s an easy mistake to make after half a bottle of wine. You weren’t expecting her to book it.
Abi: True. I feel bad though. Where the hell is she? Sara??? Where the hell are you?
I knew this didn’t feel right. FUCKETY FUCKING FUCK.Where the hell was I?This was where spontaneity got me: in a mud hut in the middle of nowhere, setting fire to my Jimmy Choos to stay warm.
Me: Abi!!!!! WTF! I’m getting the next boat out of here. There’s no spa. Or heating!
Kat: Hey, Sara! Hmm, that sounds bad. Abi isn’t online, but I’m sure she’ll get the message soon. She’s really sorry ?
Me: I’m going to kill her. Abi!!! I’m going to kill you.
The door creaked open, and Henrik appeared with two mugs and a plate of biscuits. ‘One very basic coffee with milk,’ he said, putting it all down.
‘As long as it’s hot and caffeinated.’
