Zola swung her legs out of bed. ‘Well, give him two days then. He might come up with something.’
Katy sat up, turning to Zola. ‘No, I want to go home, Zola. I can’t stay here two more days.’
Zola glanced at me, then back at Katy. ‘We can’t leave it like this. It feels wrong.’
I understood where she was coming from, but part of me wondered if Zola was delaying heading home as a way of putting off dealing with her own shit with Curtis. She hadn’t heard from him in weeks, and it didn’t seem like she wanted to. But she had her house and breakup to sort through.
I passed Katy her phone and reached for mine on the bedside table – nothing from Jimmy, but four missed calls from Philip.
I dismissed them and clicked on WhatsApp, noticing my archived chats.
Three unread messages from Philip.
Philip:You OK?
Philip:Ella? Let me know you’re OK?
Philip:Call me.
I locked my phone and stood up, not knowing how the day would pan out, but hoping to keep as low a profile as possible.
Chapter Forty
Ella
It was past two in the afternoon, and I was still lying in bed, although I’d moved from Zola’s to my own. Every glimmer of light from my phone sent my head and heart into a frenzy. Jimmy hadn’t reached out since leaving the night before, and I lay in bed contemplating every decision I’d made since arriving in America. I had no idea why I’d thought I could keep this under wraps. There was so much pressure, and I’d been determined to live an unrealistic fairytale life as far as I could. I’d wanted to protect Jimmy and handle this on my own. I didn’t want to puncture the fantasy we’d built between us.
I heard Zola’s voice chatting on the phone most of the day to Ethan, and as much as I admired her for trying, I knew she was fighting a losing battle trying to sort out the shitshow we’d created.
I was doomscrolling down my TikTok feed, watching endless videos from different angles of the catastrophic night, when Zola came to the door.
‘You have a visitor,’ she said. Her voice was low, as she nudged her head towards the living room.
I sat up so quickly I felt the room spin, realising I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything for almost twenty-four hours. ‘Jimmy?’ I felt my blood warm.Maybe he’s come to sort all of this. Maybe he’s found a way to fix us.
‘Philip,’ she whispered, making sure he couldn’t hear us. ‘I can tell him to leave if you want .?.?.’
I shook my head. ‘No, it’s fine.’ I glanced at my pale face in the mirror and untangled my hair, brushing it abruptly to get the tugs out.
Zola watched me with concern on her face, entering my room and closing the door for more privacy. ‘Look, Ella, remember what he did, OK? He’s floating around here for some reason, we’ve no idea what, and you’re vulnerable right now. I don’t like it.’
I stopped brushing and faced her. ‘He just wants to make sure I’m all right – it’s not like that anymore,’ I assured her, reaching for a wipe and cleansing my patchy skin.
Zola continued watching me in silence for a few more seconds.
‘What?’ I said, reaching for a chewing gum, knowing my breath must smell like a bag of dicks, but having no energy for a full dental hygiene session.
‘Be careful, yeah?’ she said, her voice tight with concern as she opened my door and let me walk through to the living room. ‘I made you a coffee, you’ll need it.’
I could feel her hover in the hallway behind me, tense and wary, like a stray cat waiting to attack.
I headed through to the sitting room where Philip was standing, his eyes fixed on the gorgeous afternoon view of the Hudson. I cleared my throat and he turned to me.
‘Ella.’ His voice sounded panicked, like he’d been genuinely worried about me. ‘You didn’t answer my texts!’
He walked over to me, arms out, and wrapped them tightly around me. I felt rigid, like I was doing something wrong by embracing him. But it also felt nice – safe and familiar.
‘I’ve been spiralling,’ I managed to say, with a slight laugh.
