Zola rubbed her face. ‘I archived him. I had screeds of apology messages pouring in all afternoon, and Ethan doesn’t like noise, so I put him into a folder so I wouldn’t get distracted.’
I gulped. ‘That’s probably a good idea.’
‘Have you heard from Philip, Ella?’ Katy asked softly.
‘Nope, not a thing.’ I hummed. I still wondered if he was waiting for me to reach out. After all, I was the one who caused the fight, resurrecting The Dicktionary Club after swearing to him it was gone. But in the past couple of days, I’d begun thinking that the time apart would do us a favour, and maybe he’d actually be proud of the work and friendships I was making over here.
‘Look, Ella, I have to tell you something Curtis said on the phone today.’
Zola sounded serious. I felt nervous at her tone and sat up. ‘Yeah .?.?.’
‘He mentioned that Philip has a new girlfriend and that he’s parading about town with her. I was so caught up in what he had just told me about himself that I didn’t really take it in. But I’ve checked it out, and there are lots of pictures online of the two of them just in the past few days.’
I felt acid rise up my throat. I was numb. I wanted to talk, to ask questions, but I felt static. I didn’t want to believe a word she was telling me.
Why would Philip do this to me? Who was she, and what did she have that I didn’t? I hadn’t seen him in eight days. How, I wondered, can he possibly move on in eight fucking days?
‘I didn’t want to say before the interview,’ Zola continued, sounding remorseful.
‘But we didn’t want you to find out online either,’ Katy said.
‘You knew too?’ I felt a stab of bitter resentment. Why had they both been discussing this and not told me?
‘Only because Zola didn’t know when to tell you or if you should know,’ Katy said, babbling as she defended herself.
‘OrifI should know?’ I repeated, completely gobsmacked that they had considered keeping this huge, life-changing secret from me.
Zola shook her head. ‘We didn’t know what to do! You’ve been coping really well with the breakup. You’re out running, you’re focused on work. I didn’t want to upset you.’
I huffed in indignation, holding my head, feeling a headache immediately crush into my temples. ‘Why do you think that is, Zo?’
A silence fell between us.
‘I keep busy constantly, so I don’t start to think that I’ve made a horrible mistake coming here in the first place. Philip was the first guy I finally let in after what I’d been through. He helped me with Andrea, he was kind and .?.?.’
‘And controlling!’ Zola blurted. ‘If he loved you properly, he would have supported this project. But he only cares about himself, Ella, like them all. They’re all genetically engineered to be selfish fuckers!’
I was shaking. I was angry, fuming at everyone. Zola, Katy and Philip. I shouldn’t ever have left, I thought.
‘At least you know now, Ella. And you know you made the right choice coming here,’ Katy said so quietly I almost didn’t hear.
‘Did I?’ I replied just as softly, trying to take this in. I felt broken, humiliated. ‘You two go and get food or whatever. I’ll stay on in the office.’ I shook myself, feeling isolated and vulnerable. ‘I need time to think.’
‘Ella .?.?.’ Zola dropped her shoulders in defeat. ‘C’mon, let’s go home. We can watch a movie, get cosy and cuddle in if you don’t fancy a drink.’
I shook my head, feeling my bottom lip tremble. I bit it and cleared my throat. ‘I’m fine. I just don’t like secrets. And I didn’t expect this from Philip.’ I felt my lungs exhale a deep breath. ‘Are you one hundred per cent sure?’ I asked, feeling as if something malignant was crawling under my skin.
‘We’re sure,’ Zola replied. ‘And yeah, no more secrets, OK? We honestly just thought it was for the best.’
I nodded, but I was zoning out. I couldn’t make any sense of this new reality. Why had he done this?
‘We shouldn’t be arguing with each other, you know. It’s Philip and Curtis who have caused this, and look at us, bickering for no reason,’ Katy stated.
Even as I recognised Katy’s point, I still felt that poisonous sting of betrayal – my friends had kept something from me, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of being on the outside.
‘See you at home?’ Zola replied.
I managed a smile, knowing Zola’s pain matched my own more than she would ever let on.
