I know deep down that I don’twantto be with someone famous. I could never handle the public scrutiny. The interference. There isn’t a single part of me who would welcome that into my life. I don’t want to be a part of that world.
I turn over and groan silently into my pillow.
Breathe.It’s not that serious. I’ve known him for barely a week.
And yet my body is ripe with need. I’m practically buzzing with it. I could sneak over to his room now and let what happens, happen. I’m sure he’d welcome it.
But no.
Ahhh!
Tomorrow we’ll (hopefully) be back on the cruise and who knows what change that will bring. Who knows howhe’ll feel once we surface back into the real world.
We should keep it PG. Friendly.
I roll back over and scream silently at the ceiling. I need to cool off and the only way I can think to do that is with a freezing cold shower. I practically crawl to the ensuite, setting myself up on the pristine tiled floor and let the icy water trickle over my body until I feel more human.
In the morning, having managed only a few hours of solid sleep, I shower again and get dressed before making my way down to the kitchen for breakfast. We’re heading straight to the port to catch the boat, so thankfully there’s no time to linger. Gus comes down, freshly shaven and ready to address last night. My brain is gearing up to spiral but before he has the chance to corner me, Cole walks in to wish us a farewell. He gives me a hug and I take a second to muse on how surreal this whole situation is.
Despite the cruise stopping off in Rome, itactuallydocks in a port almost an hour from the city. The coaches, bringing holidaymakers to and from the tourist attractions, don’t return to the cruise until early evening, so Cole offered us his car and driver so we could travel in style and dodge any more mishaps.
I’m careful to avoid touching or looking at Gus, but I can tell he’s hyperaware of everything I do. His gaze warms my skin wherever it lands, which certainly doesn’t help. It took a solid thirty-minute, freezing cold shower to calm my nerves last night.
And I have things to say today.
As soon as we’re alone. I need to insert a healthy dose of reality into this situation because I don’t think Gus will be the one to do it.
Except my confidence in my own confrontational style flies right out the window the second I’m sat in the back of Cole’s dark car and I’m unable to start the conversation like a normal, adult, human being. Every time I try, my heart rate peaks and the words jumble on my tongue.
“Just say it,” Gus says to me after twenty minutes of silence.
I give him a look. “Say what?”
“The thing that’s driving you crazy.”
“Nothing’s driving me crazy,” I lie.
He smirks at me. “You’ve been pulling faces at yourself since we left.”
“Fine,” I say, sighing. “This isn’t a good idea.”
“No?” he asks, raising a brow. “I disagree.”
“That’s because you’reyou,” I point out.
“That doesn’t feel like a compliment.”
“It’s just that this can’t work. It can’t last. You’re a famous popstar with an enormous fanbase. You can have anyone you want. I’m going to go back to my reality after this cruise, and you’ll go to yours, and there’s no way you’ll want to follow me. And, well, I won’t follow you… That’s just not who I am.”
“I know,” he agrees, his smile fading.
“And so, I don’t know if I’m… strong enough for this kind of thing right now.”
“I see.”
“So, we’ll be friends.”
Gus doesn’t say anything for a disarming amount of time, his eyes tracking mine, running his teeth over his lips in contemplation.
