I give her a quick tour of my room followed by a view of the sea.
“Tell me about this boyband then,” I say, plonking down on the bed. “How have I gone so long without hearing of them?”
“Because you’re not very cool.”
“I’m cool!”
“Sure,” she laughs. “You must’ve heard their recent hit single, ‘Come Again’.”
“Maybe?” I shrug. Abby rolls her eyes before singing the chorus. It’s the sort of hit single that plays on all the major radios. Very pop rock. And I have heard it before, she’s not wrong.
“Ok, fine, I’ve heard it.”
“That’s his part actually,” Abby says. “But it was his bandmate Will who wrote it. And Callum is on the track too.”
“Right. So, there are four of them, and they play instruments too.”
“Therewerefour. But yup. Gus and Will play guitar, Callum’s on piano. And Jax, he had this whole saxophone bit at concerts but that was mostly for a laugh.” I scroll through pictures of them while Abby talks. I could tell her I’ve been stalking them for hours and now know pretty much all the headlines, but I humour her instead.
There’s no doubt they are all attractive. Jax is the tall, dark and handsome sort. Will has dark hair and light eyes with broad shoulders – he clearly spends a lot of time in the gym. Callum is insanely pretty. But Gus, the curly-haired oaf, well, he’s got that boy-next-door vibe to him. And hands down, he has the best smile of the group. I remember the glint in his eye when he winked at me yesterday on the dock. I chew on my thumb as a wash of heat brushes through me. I should confront him about the spritz incident – maybe he’d apologise. Because right now, the two versions of him don’t add up.
“Why are you so interested anyway?” Abby asks.
“Oh. You know – not every day you meet a popstar.”
“Youmethim?”
“I… I mean. No. Yes, but it’s a small cruise so… I’ve seen him around. But I haven’tmethim, met him.” Why am I lying? Ihavemet him. Why do I shield my sisters from so much? It’s as if admitting I’ve met him would mean I have to tell her about the first night and me hanging over the ship, sobbing uncontrollably. And I don’t want her to worry.
“Uh huh,” she says, grinning. “He’s my favourite one, you know. I always thought he looked the most fun.”
“Really?” I say, trying to keep my face impassive. I remind myself that I don’t actually know this person. He’s nobody to me. I spoke to him for all of ten minutes. And now I’ll be doing my best to avoid him for the remainder of the cruise.
Abby prattles on and I listen, thinking about how this stranger has seen me at possibly my most vulnerable, but my own sister hasn’t. Not because I’ve never felt vulnerable around her, but because I’ve never wanted the girls to see that side of me. When Mum passed away, the grief was solife altering I’m sure it changed me physically. But I couldn’t just focus on my own pain, I had three younger sisters to keep upright too. It was easier to push those big feelings down when I was around them.
I wonder if, over the years, they’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t feel at all.
“Right, it’s almost time to disembark,” I say.
“What’s on the agenda for today?”
“Split.”
“Are you going on a tour?”
I scrunch my face. “I’m not sure yet. I went on one yesterday and it dragged on a bit. I might go wandering on my own and see the city properly, you know?”
“Sure, but just be safe,” she says.
“Abby, I’m always safe,” I say.
“Yes, that’s true,” she confirms too easily. I guess maybe too safe. Maybe being a little reckless wouldn’t do me any harm?
So, when we arrive in Split, I decide to be spontaneous and go it alone. No tour, no schedule, just me and my comfy sandals, my favourite white summer dress and a small handbag for essentials. I’m mindful that the cruise is departing earlier than yesterday, partly because our stopover in Dubrovnik tomorrow is considered a main attraction. The cruise packs it in. There are no overnight stays in the cities since it stops at almost one a day. It’s one of the reasons I picked this cruise – I loved the idea of spending every night in open water.
I explore an endless maze of narrow windy lanes, wandering past ancient churches and market stalls. I stop off to pick up some souvenirs for the girls: beaded braceletsfor all three and a small, bejewelled jewellery box for Abby. Trinket like things that will take up hardly any space in my luggage.
The hours fly by too quickly. I’m not even sure how long I’ve been wandering when I stumble upon a charming café serving pastries and artisan cakes with fresh fruit and a shiny glaze on top. I pick one, pay, then take a seat out front along the wall, tucked beneath the awning.
