“I know how it must be for you. I just assumed you had someone else to talk to about it all.”
“Like who?”
“Your housemates?”
“They’re all busy with their own lives. To be honest, Mum, I’ve been pretty lonely in London. And if I’m being honest,” I say, “it hasn’t turned out like I thought it would.”
“You’ve been there six years. You’ve been lonely thewholetime?”
“I’m not sure, really. It’s not all bad memories. Actually, it’s something I’ve been trying to figure out. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve sleepwalked through it all. Worked myself so hard, pushing through long hours and full weekends with no rest in between because I was actually just lonely. It was a distraction, I guess. And all the time I thought I was doing this amazing job. Like I was somehow irreplaceable. But that’s just not true, is it? Some sorry sod will probably step into my shoes next week and be suckered into doing the same tricks as me.”
“You’re not a sorry sod. You enjoyed your job, even if only a little. And you’ll be able to use that experience to get another, won’t you? Do you have a plan, darling?”
I massage my eyebrows slowly. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll look at new jobs later. I have some savings.”
“I think the fresh air will do you good. Give you a chance to think.”
I nod, staring at the milky tea. “I’ve been set on one path, one plan, for so long, not expecting to deviate from that plan, that this all feels a bit… disorientating.”
“Then take a few weeks,” she says, with a warm smile. “Have a think about what comes next. Where you see yourself in a few years. Reassess. And whilst you’re here, Susie’s son is back from America. You should pop in and see him.”
I frown. Is she really trying to set me up right now?
“No, thanks. What I need right now is space.”
“Well, fine, but no one’s getting any younger.” She winks.
I give Mum a look that says,don’t you dare try that line on me. She presses her lips together in surrender. “Anyway, did you tell the boy at work you were leaving?”
“He’s hardly a boy, Mum. He’s thirty-two.”
She shrugs. “That’s still sort of a boy to me.”
“No, I didn’t. I just packed my bag and left. I didn’t want to make a scene.”
“That’s very like you,” she says. “Won’t he be a bit upset you didn’t say goodbye?”
“I doubt it. He’s trouble, Mum. Honestly, I should never have gone there. It was as if I was under some sort of spell.”
“That’s a good sign though.”
“How can that be agoodsign?”
“Well, if he was a dullard, you’d have been very aware of it. Clearly, if you were enchanted, you were happy and relaxed with him. Isn’t that right?”
I pull a face wondering if I want to get into the intimate details about this with my mother. It’s not very like us. In fact, it’s strange to have her asking me questions at all. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I do hold back or come across as closed off.
“Well… It felt… right, I guess. At the time at least.”
Mum hums, nodding, as if she is proving a point.
“What?” I demand.
“And you decided not to pursue it with him? Why is that?”
“Because…” We never got on before, so why would one intense week change that? We would both end up hurting each other. And I was right. He was made director this morning. And he knew the whole time. He let things get heated knowing he would inevitably hurt me, and that I would be workingforhim. We would have been at each other’s throats constantly.
I shake my head. No, it was right to leave it the way I did. To give him the space to do what he wants to do with Starr. If that place turns into a giant money-making machine, then it’s what Michael has recruited him to do.
