I think about work. All the things that needed doing before I left. The list I wrote and handed to the team. I wonder if they’ve even looked at it. What sort of state will my inbox be in when I return? If only I could’ve accessed them whilst I was out here. And then there’s Michael. The man behind this whole thing. What is he doing? Eating caviar, sipping expensive champagne on a comfy sofa by a gorgeous grand fireplace?
Bastard. Ohgod, do I really think that? No, of course not, he isn’t a bastard. He can’t be. I can’t have worked my arse off to unnatural levels for a man who never actually cared about me or my future. Can I?
And what am I going to do when I get back? How can I trust him, or trust that he won’t do something like this to one of my team? I blink as a grey cloud in the distance breaks apart slowly, a faded sky below promising rain.
It suddenly occurs to me that work and my parents are all I really have to worry about right now. Maybe I need a bit more going on in my life. Some closer friends. Some responsibilities. Possibly a hobby. Anything that isn’t work.
I’m filled with this sense of doom, as if something’s about to change? Something has to change, surely; I know that. It feels like I’m held together with this long thin rope that’s being pulled in two directions. Soon it might snap. And what happens then?
This week has been eye opening. The world is a much bigger place than The Starr Agency and Michael and my silly feud with James. It goes so far beyond all my problems.
Do I make other people stressed with my stress? Am I as bad in the office as James makes out?
James reaches across to plant a hand on my bare knee, squeezing. “You’re freaking out,” he mutters quietly so other passengers can’t hear.
I lean my head back, fighting the tears away with a shuddery breath. “I’m not sure how we go back to it all. How do we go to work next week?”
James tilts his head, considering. “I’m honestly not sure I want to at the moment. If that helps at all.”
I smile sadly. “Who am I, James? Me. Fliss Rainer, not wanting to go to work?”
“It’s probably just holiday blues,” he says with a smirk.
“Do they call it that because I nearly froze to death?”
He laughs, looking back at the other passengers to see if they’re nosing in. They all seem to be wrapped up in their own little worlds too. They’ve all got their own problems and places to be.
“Oh shit,” James hisses, tucking himself behind his chair. He gives me a smile but his eyes are wild in a way that suggests trouble.
I duck down too. “What!?”
“The ticket inspector,” he whispers, gesturing with his chin.
I peek up over the seat to see what has startled James. My eyes go round. My chest starts to constrict. My heart thunders in my chest. I duck down again. There is in fact a train conductor, wearing a hat and all, walking this way, slowly checking other passengers’ tickets. But, of course, they’re relaxed because they weren’t peer pressured into jumping on here without paying.
Oh, but that’s unfair. I definitely could’ve said no, walked in a different direction. And yet… here I am.
“What the fuck do we do?” I demand. There’s not even a tiny piece of me that finds this funny, so it rankles me slightly when I see James snigger. “How is this funny!?”
“Oh, lighten up, Felicity. What’s the worst that can happen?”
“I don’t know…What is the worst that can happen?”
“We’ll get booted off the train.”
“Whilst it’s moving?!”
James finds this even funnier. “I certainly hope not.”
He sneaks a look back down the aisle. The man hasn’t noticed us. And I suppose, unless he spoke to the station, how would he even know? We’re not suspects yet.
James stands to take my bag off the overhead, passing it down to me before grabbing his own. For all the train conductor knows, we’re just getting snacks. James’ eyes shine with mischief as he offers me his hand. “Come on. Let’s sneak into the next carriage.”
My legs are shaky as I stand to follow. “Another great idea,” I mutter.
“Ssssh. It’s fine.”
We walk slowly to the back of the carriage which, luckily, is only a couple of rows of seats. Our movement has been spotted though. The train conductor shouts something. I peek over my shoulder, despite James tugging on my arm to speed up.
