“You’re an idiot,” I say. “Did you know there was a dropthisclose to where we pitched?”
“Clearly not,” he says, audibly frustrated. “It was obscured by the grass. I’m in so much pain, Felicity.”
I kneel carefully, wincing as the tight-fitting bandage rubs against my wound. There’s only a slight pressure there now. I think it’s best though not to put my weight on it. I realise I’m possibly still a bit drunk. Must’ve been why I was in such a deep sleep. I groan. This is not going to help my mood in the morning.
And no caffeine.Weep!
“Why areyoufreaking out, right now?” James complains. How the hell can he tell in the dark? “I’m the one who may have broken his back without any way of calling for help.”
“There’s no way you’ve broken your back.”
“I’m sorry, when did you become a doctor?”
“You’d be screaming in pain, Gloatman, or else you wouldn’t be able to move at all. You’re probably winded.” I offer him my arm to help him up to a sitting position, but he just groans, being a big baby and refusing to move. I place my hands gently on his body to try to work out what position he’s in.
He’s topless. I think I find his abs, his chest. I walk my hands upwards to find his face. Except, I happen upon…NOThis face. I get a good handful…A really good handful. I yelp, snatching my hands back.
“Really, Felicity? Fuck’s sake,” he says. “First you plaster yourself to me all night. Now you’regropingme?”
“Why the hell are you naked!?”
“I was taking a piss. My pants are halfway down my legs. I can’t sit up to pull them up. I’m sorry. Alright?”
I laugh with disbelief, staring up at the moonlight leaking through another break in the clouds. A force of wind pushes itself through the valley, rocking some nearby trees as the rattle of leaves makes it hard to hear.
“Let me get this straight. You were taking a piss and fell?”
“Yes. Well, I’d finished.”
“Then you stepped forwards?”
“No. I turned and stepped backwards.”
I laugh again. “Did you fall into your pee?”
“No, luckily… But now I’m in a precarious position. I’ve been waiting for you to hear me calling, hoping no animals or, god forbid, people, find me first.”
I sigh. “If only you did see a person. They might have a phone and then we can finally get the fuck out of here. I’d charter a helicopter at this point,” I say. “And claim it back on expenses.” I chuckle.
James moves slightly, making a hissing sound as he does.
“Ok, so then what happened? How long have you been down here?”
“Must have been about an hour ago now,” he mumbles.
“Why didn’t you yell?”
“I did! I’ve been calling your name for ages. You were really out for the count, huh?”
I scrunch my face. I’ve been told I do this. It used to be an enjoyable game at sleepovers when I was a teenager. Once I’m asleep, I’m deeply asleep. Usually sounds, smells and even someone touching me are incorporated into my dreams. It’s almost a little scary at times. I worry I won’t wake up for a fire alarm. Somehow, I’ve trained myself to know when my actual morning alarm is going off. I would really hate to be late for work.
“I think I had too much vodka. I’m not really much of a drinker,” I say. “I was also having a really weird dream.”
James sniffs a laugh. “Fine, fine. I just want to get back to the tent. Any bright ideas on how to get me up there?”
“Where’s the pain?”
“Everywhere.”
