His focus sharpens. “They can, though unless it’s a learning game, or something simple like that, they’re not usually interested or allowed. Middles, on the other hand…yeah, video games can be one of their activities. Have you heard of a Middle in your research?”
I nod, something curling in my chest. “They can also regress, but not as young, falling more into the age range of a teen or tween.”
Ian snorts. “Pretty much, and all the drama that comes with it. There aren’t many Middles in our circle, but I’ve seen them before. You have something on your mind?”
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “I’m not sure if you’ve interacted much with Benjamin yet? He’s Lio’s best friend, one of my lovers, and Ignacio’s ex-fiancé.”
“I haven’t been formally introduced to him, no, but I’ve seen him around.”
Needing to stand for this, I get up and move behind my chair, gripping the back of it. “Benjamin…never told me that he was into video games, but according to Ignacio, it was a common pastime of his, his way of destressing. He’d play online with his friends from his old life, and…well, Ignacio described how he would get lost in his games and forget the world around him, and how it seemed to boost him up afterward, makes me wonder if he was regressing while playing. I’m not the expert here, but…it’s been months since he last played. As I said, he never told me about his interest.
“But…what if some of his issues are because he hasn’t had that outlet? It would make sense, at least in what little I’ve learned about age play, regression, and the like. Emilio is able to easily regress, but he accepts he is a Boy. He loves having a Daddy and a Papa Bear. He loves having an Owner.” I shake my head, feeling as if I’m losing control for the first time in a while…but then, Benjamin does that to me.
“Benjamin…he is adamant he isn’t a Boy, and even when I tease him about needing a spanking—though I’m mostly serious—he claims he doesn’t need a Daddy…but…”
“But you think he does need one?” Ian raises a brow.
“I have no fucking idea. And I hate that I don’t know. I’m the one who usually has all the answers, who makes things better. I can’t do that if I. Don’t. Know.”
“Okay, take a few deep breaths. I’m here for this exact reason.”
I ignore his instructions, unappreciative that he’s trying to soothe me. “He has…trouble sharing me. Is it because of his jealousy tendencies? Or simply because he’s a petulant teenager that wants all the attention? Even though I’ve explained over and over—and Lio has explained it too—that it’s not sharing. I don’t work that way. I can’t separate myself into pieces… But… Fuck! I don’t know.”
Ian taps a finger to his lips, seeming lost in thought. After a long moment, he finally says, “I can’t answer any of your questions without speaking to him, and even then I wouldn’t get a clear picture until we’ve had a few sessions, but…my professional opinion, as both a sex therapist versed in BDSM dynamics and a Daddy who was involved in the community? I believe you have a solid hypothesis.
“There’s a good chance Benjamin is lashing out because he is a Middle who hasn’t had any time to regress into that part of himself—either because he doesn’t feel safe, or more likely, he doesn’t know about it. Based on what you’ve said about him insisting that he isn’t a Boy, and doesn’t need a Daddy, I’d wager it’s the latter.
“The sharing thing…that’s more Reid’s territory than mine, but Middles are notorious for being terrible sharers. Poor Anderson doesn’t always understand it because he loves sharing his crayons. That is something I can help with, though. I’ll even throw in personal experience about having a Boy who is married to someone else.”
Ian leans forward and once more rests his forearms on the desk. “I’m happy to speak with him. I can’t force myself on him, but…as part of his therapy program, I may be useful since I understand unique intimate dynamics. Being poly will give him the insight needed to understand. I believe Javi assigned Anderson to him as his therapist, which is good. Reid, Anderson, and I all understand polyamorous dynamics, but the way we see ourselves, and how we approach it, is very different, even though we’re together.”
I sigh, hanging my head. “I’ve failed him so many times, Ian. I can’t fail him in this as well.” Deciding to give him something, because he’s been so open and honest with me the entire time, I look into his eyes and say, “I need this to work; I don’t think either of us will live long if we can’t find our way back to each other.”
“I’ll help in whatever capacity I can, Tennant. I’m on your side.”
Daddy to Daddy, the words are a vow, and I take them as such, hoping that showing my weakness isn’t a mistake.
Failure isnotan option. Not when I have so much to live for now.
The conference room is seeing more traffic lately. This time, it's to “welcome” Atticus. From the look on Jude’s face, welcome is the very last thing he’s feeling. I understand the protective instincts, even though I’m not a Daddy. It’s still a person we know nothing about, as neither Leandro nor Hollis were able to find anything about this guy. It raises the hairs on the back of my neck, and I desperately want my lovers and our children away from the one-man killing machine. And his pet fucking bunny.
But first up, we’re waiting on Javi. Not only does he need to be here for the introduction, I know we’re all anxiously wanting an update on everything, even if he can’t break confidentiality. Still, for now, it’s only Jude, myself, and Carter in the room. And, of course, a damn basket of baked goods. At this point, if Sandrokeeps baking at this level, we’ll need to buy him a bakery so things don’t go to waste.
“Breathe,” Carter whispers to me, and I try to follow his direction, but fuck if it isn’t hard.
Growling, I glance at my watch, muttering, “I’m not a fan of people being late.”
“It’s only two minutes…” Carter’s eyes dance with amusement, but I can’t help my natural state is promptness. The military reinforced that, and even after so many years out of it, that hasn’t left me.
“Sorry! Sorry!” Javi jogs in, carrying a notebook, with his hair all askew.
I purse my lips at his outfit. It’s…colorful. I’m beginning to question where he even finds this shit. Green, pink, and blue are swirled together like a damn tie-dye—on a button-down shirt! Normally, he’s at least wearing khakis, but this time he has on jeans with crystals studded through them, including a heart made of a rainbow of crystals on one of the back pockets. This may be his worst outfit yet…
Jude makes a noise in the back of his throat that pretty much summarizes the absolute horror that we’re all likely thinking. However, Javi seems unfazed as he opens his notebook. Glancing up at us, he raises his eyebrow as if we’re the ones running behind.
“Thank you for joining us,” Carter says smoothly, even as his fingers twitch. “We wondered if you had an update?”
Javi sighs before staring up at the ceiling. The three of us exchange a glance. I’m not sure if we collectively want to strangle Javi, or if we should be concerned. Eventually, Javi shrugs and turns his attention back to us.
