He stumbles off the sofa, and Lady follows, joining him as little half-growls leave her mouth over and over. “Drug me so I stop rejecting you!”
I take a step back, shocked that’s how he sees it. “No! That’s not—”
“I told you weeks ago, that we weredone, that our relationship is now strictly about breaking the bond. So you decided tolive in my walls? I think I’ve shown a lot of understanding for it so far, but now you dropthison me? Because you want a do-over? Well, I’m sorry I’m not the happy, horny guy you met, but all thosethings did happen to me, and I don’t want to pretend they didn’t. I want this to be a lesson that stays with me forever!”
My heart aches for him in ways he will never understand.
“I just want to make it better,” I utter, unable to look up from my empty glass. It’s filled with what I can give him. Nothing.
“Well, maybe it will get better. Eventually,” Nate says and pets Lady’s head. “But forgetting and ignoring the past is not that. We shouldn’t lie to ourselves.”
“I understand.” Even the pleasant fizzy feeling in my head can’t relieve the darkness settling in my heart. “I would still like to urge you to come out of here and explore a little, so that the trip to the astronomer isn’t as overwhelming.”
He chews on it for several painful seconds. “All right, but not today. And I don’t want to… be officially introduced to anyone.”
My stupid heart shouldn’t leap with hope, because he still plans to break the shadow bond, but how could I not be excited about this opportunity to spend time with him? “Of course. I will make sure it’s a very uneventful excursion. Do you have any other special requests?”
He’s gathering the blanket around him again, which makes the need to embrace him all the more urgent. But I’m not allowed to. It’s like having to say no to my protective nature, to not drink wine after days stranded at sea, to not step in at the sight of injustice.
“Go to the stables? Meet animals?” Nate whispers.
I bow so deeply my long hair swishes over the carpet. “Your wish is my command.”
“And—”
I straighten my back, hyperaware to even the smallest twitch on his handsome face.
“You can’t stay in the walls,” Nate finishes.
I was expecting this, but it still hurts to hear it said out loud. How am I supposed to stay away when all I want is to crawl intothat blanket he’s wearing and explore his body as if it’s the first time? I’d kiss every scar, trace every hint of bruising, and then make him forget his torture for at least an hour in ways much more natural than any potion.
I take another step back, fighting the pull to him with all my might. “I cannot say it’s unexpected.”
Nate inhales and pats both his cheeks. “Don’t speak. I’m trying to tell you something.”
I nod, but my sadness must be obvious, because even Lady takes my side this time and pads to me across the room.
“Can you promise you won’t try to flirt with me or get into my pants?” Nate asks softly.
Why not just drive the dagger in deeper while he’s at it? “How can you demand this of me? Have I not accepted the rejection?” I don’t know any more. Maybe I haven’t. Maybe I’m still pushing him?
He spreads his arms. “You clearly haven’t accepted it if this is getting you worked up, have you?”
I growl like I’m a dog myself and throw my arms in the air. “Fine! I promise. But if you change your mind and flirt with me, do not expect me to kindly reject you!” What kind of dumb threat am I making? That I will be available? Pathetic.
Nate exhales, not at all bothered by my outburst. “In that case… maybe we can partition out a room for you here? You would get a bed, and we could… hang out in the common space?”
I stare at him, and it’s Lady’s bark that pulls me out of my stupor. “Yes. Please. I would like that very much. Being able to watch over you is… soothing to me.”
Nate blinks, hugging himself, and I worry that I’ve said the wrong thing again, but then he offers me a smile, and I’m melting like a chunk of butter in a hot pan. “It soothes me when you’re here.”
I smile back even though my heart is in tatters after this storm of emotions. “I will go make arrangements.”
For the briefest moment, his eyes glow in the blue light, and my heart… it feels so full knowing he wants me here. That he missed me. That my presence makes him feel better, even if he’s not ready to leap back into our budding romance.
This is enough.
Truly.
