“I know it’s none of my business, but as someone who would kill to have parents pestering me with phone calls, maybe you should, like, answer.”
I squeezed my eyes shut.
“You have Violet,” Dex said. “That’s something.”
She huffed. “Right. Because that’s the same thing.”
The sting was immediately overshadowed by Dex’s words: “You’re such an asshole.”
“I’m an asshole?” Phoebe repeated. I kept my eyes shut, but everything in me screamed to sit up and defend my sister.
“Yeah, you are. You’re lucky she hasn’t thrown you out on the side of the highway.”
“It’s sister stuff. You wouldn’t get it.”
“It’s sister stuff when you treat her like shit for asking a question?”
“Pot calling the kettle black much?” She resorted to grumbling, so I knew she’d turned up the attitude to eleven. “You’re a million times worse than me.”
“I don’t matter to her,” he replied. A tightness gripped my throat—I couldn’t swallow. “You are her sister and you fight her on every little thing. Fuck, man. Don’t you think she’s tired?”
“That’s not…” Phoebe growled under her breath. “My dad died. I have a right to be pissed.”
“You’re not the only one who lost him.”
Something about this simple statement rearranged my insides. I’d spent the last nine months shoving my own grief aside to abide my sister’s, and it hadn’t helped anyone: Phoebe was still angry and I was a wreck. What would our life look like if I’d felt everything upfront instead of putting on a pathetic façade that ruined us both? I didn’t want to think about it.
“I know,” Phoebe mumbled. “I know, okay? Sometimes I hear myself being a dick and I want to stop but I can’t. And she just… She didn’t have to take me. At the hospital, there was this counselor lady and at one point, she took Violet outside to talk about her options. About me. She could either take me or send me to Oklahoma to live with our great-aunt. And Violet didn’t even hesitate. Like, it wasn’t a choice at all. It’s just how itwas. Even though it fucked up her entire life. And I can’t stop being a bitch. Sheshouldthrow me out on the highway.”
I had to shift onto my side and press my face into the leather so I wouldn’t start loudly sobbing in the back seat. It wasn’t surprising that Phoebe felt this way—I’d suspected all along thetransition was harder on her than it was on me, but hearing her say it out loud demolished me. More than anything, I wished she felt comfortable saying these things to me. But Dex knew I was awake and he poked her anyway, as if he wanted me to hear it. As if he knew I needed to.
There was so much Phoebe and I had to say to each other. I had no idea how to start.
“I think that she hasn’t is proof she understands. You don’t mean it,” he said quietly. This must’ve been how he sounded when he spoke to the kids he worked with, reminiscent of the gentle voice I used with my students when they had a hard time with a lesson. “You’re a kid—you’re dealing with an impossible situation the best you can.”
“I hope this isn’t my best,” Phoebe muttered.
He snorted. “There’s always tomorrow.”
A tear slipped out. How many tomorrows would it take for Phoebe to open up to me the way she had with Dex? Was it possible? Sometimes I wanted to shake her and scream,We’re in this together!Not the most optimistic of thoughts, but I figured my unfailing ability to hold it in had to count for something.
“You’re not gonna tell Violet I said all that, are you?” Phoebe asked.
“Nope.”
“Because you guys were getting pretty real yesterday,” she went on casually.
Dex cleared his throat. “Not really.”
“Dude, she spilled her guts. It was kinda gross.” The shutter of her camera cut into the moment. Dex cursed under his breath. Phoebe went on, “Maybe you should tell me what happened with you and Catalina, so we’re even. Mutually assured destruction or whatever.”
“That’s not what mutually assured destruction is.”
“Maybe you should tell me anyway.” His silence prompted a defeated sigh from Phoebe. “Just… don’t tell Vi. Please?”
“There’s this thing I do where I mind my own business. It’s a revolutionary approach to the world, but…”
Phoebe groaned, shifting into laughter. “You’re such a dork. I thought you were an asshole like me.”
