“Uh-oh.”
I swept past her, plunking down on the green velvet chaise. “I was joyful at one point. Fun to be around. A good person,” I continued, looking to her for verification. She folded her arms, eyebrows pinched thoughtfully.
“You are a good person,” she said. “Present tense.”
“But not ahappyone.”
“Well, life screwed you over. It takes a while to bounce back after something like that.”
She sat beside me, crossing her legs at the ankles; the girl drew eyes by simply existing with her curly black hair and pink apple cheeks, though being perceived was her worst nightmare. When she found out a majority of pharmacy patrons referred to her as the hot pharmacist, she called in sick for three days straight.
“What happened?” she asked. I dropped my face into my hands, letting out a short laugh, and delved into the story.
I wasn’t proud of how often I showed up at Arden’s to vent. By some miraculous twist of fate, Northeastern paired us up freshman year and we imprinted on each other like baby ducks. Over the years, we moved into a crappy apartment, worked crappy part-time jobs to pay rent while finishing our degrees, and spent a lot of time lamenting terrible dates. She fell in love with Noah the same week she was accepted into her doctorate program and within six months, I met Shawn. It felt like we were meant to experience life in unison until my dad died, I took custody of my sister, and my boyfriend bailed because it was too much. Now, Noah had recruited me to help pick an engagement ring, and I hadn’t moved an inch. I hated the jealousy I felt toward my best friend for having her shit together. More than that, I hated mourning my fatherandthe life I would’ve lived if a pickup truck hadn’t run a red light.
No amount of positives could lift me up from that.
“First thing’s first,” Arden said once I finished the recap. “That principal is a bitch.”
“Yes.”
“And she deserves to be fired.”
“Yes.”
“And for her house to burn down with her husband still inside it.”
“Well—”
“Too far. I take it back. But they both suck.” She brushed a curl out of her eyes, her expression softening as she studied my face. “Shesucks. Has Phoebe been a little unhinged? Sure. But she was defending herself, so the expulsion conversation was out of bounds.”
I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes until I saw stars. “Yeah.”
“Phoebe will be fine. She’s strong. Once she’s past the angryphase, things will go back to normal,” she said. “Well, not normal. But a new normal where things are okay.”
“That’s a nice thought. Maybe in this alternate universe, Phoebe tells me why she has to defend herself at school. Maybe she likes me again. Maybe I don’t cry in the shower.”
Arden’s fingers wrapped around my wrist, squeezing gently. I lowered my hands to meet her gaze. “You’re not failing, Vi,” she said. “That’s not what this is.”
“I have no idea what I’m doing,” I replied, throat tightening against the words. “Feels like failing to me.”
“You’re allowed to tread water for a while.”
“It’s beennine months.”
“Grief doesn’t have a time limit.”
“It does when you’re in charge of a kid.”
She bit her lip and looked toward the kitchen, unable to dispute this. My dad never fell apart in front of us—he always had his shit together, even if he was pretending for our benefit. I needed to do the same for Phoebe. I just had no ideahow.
“So, what are you gonna say?” she asked. “To Phoebe.”
I groaned. “God. I don’t know.”
“You have to stop giving her the power, Vi,” she said. “She’s a kid. She needs an authority figure.”
“She needs our dad.” I swallowed over the tightness in my throat. “I was the cool older sister. She’s never going to see me differently.”
