“Me, too.” I squeezed her tighter, eyes burning as I breathed in her Tom Ford perfume. If I hugged her hard enough, it would transfer to me, and I could hold on to her a little while longer. “Don’t let your mom take you wedding dress shopping until I get back.”
“No way. I need my maid of honor’s stamp of approval.”
I placed a hand over my heart and Arden shot me a watery smile, leaning in to rest her head on my shoulder. “We’ll be okay,” I said. “I’m embracing optimism again.”
“Well, duh. You wouldn’t be doing any of this if you weren’t a dirty optimist.” Her smile tipped into genuine territory. “I’m proud of you.”
I rolled my eyes and gently shoved her, as if I wasn’t genuinely touched or on the verge of a breakdown. She’d said thosewords to me so many times over the last year, but this felt like the first time I couldfeelthem. I’d dipped my toe in water expecting a shock of cold and found something damn close to warmth. It only took a potentially catastrophic choice, but at least it was mine, and at least I had my sister on my side. For the first time in a long time, I was proud of myself too.
Noah walked over and slung an arm around my shoulders, drawing me in. “You sure about this?” he asked. “I could fake a medical emergency if you want to bail.”
I snorted. “I’m good. This is something I have to do.”
He gave me a reassuring little squeeze. “The offer stands.”
“In general, or…?”
“Yeah. Six years from now, I’ll drop to the floor and fake appendicitis if you ask me to.”
Couldn’t have picked a better one for Arden.
Dex shut the trunk and leaned against it, arms crossed, waiting out the rest of the goodbyes. Phoebe let Arden squeeze her hard, rolling her eyes as Arden whispered something in her ear, and then offered Noah a fist bump.
“Dex. If that is your real name,” Arden said. Dex turned to her, eyebrows raised. “If anything happens to either of them. If they experience any sort of physical or mental harm. If they come home worse off in any way, shape, or form. I will murder you.”
Said with a smile. I expected nothing less.
“Fair enough,” Dex said and made his way around the car to the driver’s side. Phoebe darted after him, closing herself in the back seat without a second glance in our direction.
“I can’t tell if he’s joking or if he agrees that’s a fair punishment,” Noah mused. Arden glanced at me, smiling.
“Either way, brownie points.”
I gave them each another hug, holding my breath, bracingfor that moment I’d startle awake in bed and it would be ten months ago and all of this would have been a terrible dream. The sidewalk remained steady underfoot. Fluffy white clouds crawled across the blue overhead. A breeze swept through and my hair flew directly into my eyeball.
Not a dream.
I scraped my hair out of my face and moved toward Dex’s car. Phoebe wound down the window, a huge grin taking over her face.
“Vi, come on,” she said, gesturing wildly for me to get in the car. “I made a playlist!”
I got in.
“Ready?” Dex asked, casting me a quick glance. I felt a lot of things in this car, and ready wasn’t one of them, but I forced myself to nod. His eyes flicked to the rearview mirror, silently repeating the question to Phoebe, and she saluted.
I can call it off, I thought.
Phoebe sent me a bright smile from the back seat. I kept my mouth shut.
Nine
CONEY ISLAND, NY
It took approximately one mile for my insides to riot.
I’d never been the most impulsive person. Where my dad and Phoebe bounced around wherever their hearts desired, I preferred to mosey down a certain path, time, plan. Not so much that I was incapable of straying for fun, but enough that I took time to weigh the options before moving forward. The first time I ever careened off-path was nine months ago in a hospital hallway, a strenuous and isolating decision that wasn’t really a choice at all. Phoebe was mine from the moment my dad told me I’d have a sister—I raised her alongside him, watched that tiny bundle of energy grow into a beautiful, hilarious human I would’ve done anything for even before our world fell apart. When I agreed to take in Phoebe, I knew I was dismantling the rest of it. I lost Shawn, I lost stability, and for a long time, it felt like I lost my sister.
And here she was, orchestrating perhaps the most significant mistake of my life with a smile.
