I like being out at night, I enjoy the solitude, and I can tell Guy does too. We are both much more relaxed than we were earlier, in fact – possibly due to the fact that we are walking away from Starshine Cove, not towards it.
I find Bettina where I left her, and he actually properly smiles at the sight. ‘A classic,’ he announces, running his hands over her curves in a way that makes me wish I was a VW. ‘Where did you find her?’
‘Marrakesh. She’s done me proud. Fancy a little drive?’
He nods, and within minutes we’re away. I take us to a lookout point called Canonbury Hill, which is legendary for its ancient long barrow, views of the sea, and as a place for bored teenagers to get drunk on scrumpy and smoke illicit cigarettes.
The nearest lay-by is about halfway up, and we climb the rest together, Bear overcoming his laziness now he is in a worldof new smells. When we finally make it to the peak, it’s just as spectacular as I remember – the glistening ocean stretching out into infinity, the moon and stars reflected in its wavering mirror. Owls call, and the waves hiss and suck as they roll into the cliffs and caves below. I haven’t been here for so long, and yet nothing at all has changed – apart from me, that is.
I sit down on the grass, wrap my arms around my knees, and close my eyes. This is one of those moments – ones you look back on in years to come. All of the stresses and anxieties of the day seem to fall away from me, my breath comes easily and smoothly, and my heart is a dull and steady thud in my chest. I am calm, and I am grateful for that.
Guy is initially silent beside me, which comes as no surprise. When I open my eyes again, he is watching me, not the landscape. Weird, but okay.
‘Did you grow up here, then?’ he asks, gesturing out at the coastline.
‘I did. Left when I was eighteen, and never really came home again, apart from… Well, apart from the time I did.’
‘It’s a beautiful place,’ he comments. ‘Miranda’s been here for a few years. Everyone seems very, uh, protective? Is that the right word?’
‘It can be, yes. Depending on your outlook, you could view it as protective and supportive. Or you could view it as stifling and suffocating. I suspect you can guess which type I was.’
‘I can. So, didn’t you get on with your family? Did you have a hard childhood? Is that why you left?’
I ponder that question, wondering why it’s so difficult to answer. I don’t look back on my younger years as a simple time in my life, but would it be fair to say they were hard?
‘Not really. I was very close to my mother. I had an older brother and a younger sister. My dad was – is – great. We lived in a nice house, always had plenty of love, never wanted foranything at all. But something about this place, about Starshine, just… It wasn’t for me. I felt trapped and couldn’t wait to leave. Not my fault. Not Starshine’s fault. Not my parents’ fault. I just needed my freedom, because here, I was always surrounded – friends, family, people everywhere, all of them wanting to talk to me and be with me and spend time with me. It’s hard to explain, but I felt like if I stayed here, I’d get consumed by it. Hardly a sob story, I know, but you did ask. What about you? What were your parents like?’
He shrugs, and his expression is impossible to read. ‘I don’t know. I grew up in care. My dad wasn’t on the scene, and my mum died when I was three. I know very little about her, don’t really remember her at all. After she died I was put in a children’s home, then a series of fosters.’
‘Oh. I see. Well, now I obviously feel like an enormous dickhead for going on about having too many people who loved me…’
He nods. ‘I thought you might. But there’s no need to. We all have our sad tales, don’t we? I think I’ll take you up on your offer, if that’s okay?’
‘Which offer?’ I answer, waggling my eyebrows at him.
‘The one to sleep in your car.’
‘Alone?’
‘I don’t think we’d both fit. Plus, I know you don’t even mean that. You’d be absolutely terrified if I kissed you right now.’
I’m slightly taken aback by this comment but also cannot argue with it. The man has seen through my bluff, double bluff and bravado very efficiently. Still, there is also a tiny part of me that wonders if he’s right. The last time I kissed a man it turned out to be fairly life-changing. Maybe this would be too? It would certainly be enjoyable, I reckon, my eyes lingering on those wide lips…
‘You’re probably right, Guy. Guy Keegan. Shall we swap numbers? I’m going to put yours into my phone under the contact Smoking Hot Soldier Dude.’
‘I’m not a soldier,’ he points out. ‘Best just go with Smoking Hot Dude.’
‘Okay – what about me? What am I going in as?’
‘Suzie,’ he replies simply, half a smile telling me he’s winding me up on purpose.
‘God, you really are bad at this. All right, come on. I’ll drive Bettina somewhere nice and private, and you can spend the night in the arms of another woman. My poor, broken heart…’
SIX
I wake up the next morning in an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar house, with an all-too-familiar need to pee. My phone tells me it’s barely half five, but my bladder tells me it’s very much Toilet o’Clock. I tiptoe around as quietly as I can, doing my business and then getting dressed. My dad was, from memory, also an early riser – and even though yesterday went well, I still have the urge to clear my head before I’m plunged into the social whirl that is Starshine Cove.
Bear is curled up in his basket downstairs, and he gives me one cursory glance and goes straight back to sleep. I think he’s pretending – he’s wide awake but sulking, not quite having forgiven me for last night’s unexpected adventure.
