“Right?” I walk the camera toward the window, showing the tiny hole in the handle. “They’ve even put a lock on the windows and failed to give me a key. I want some ventilation, not to throw myself three stories south.”
“I can get the guys to look at that tomorrow,”Thi answers. I frown, switching the camera back to myself.
“The guys?”
“Yeah, the guys I’ve hired to bring the computer setup to your new residence. They’re bringing a few extra bits that you might need, and I’ve asked them to do a security sweep. You asked me to handle the removals from the facility, remember?”
I stare at the blinking eyes on the screen, quickly backtracking through my memories. I think I remember a muffled conversation while I was stuffing my regulation gray sweatsuits into a duffle bag. Thi asked if I had plans for moving the computer setup, and I’d replied that he’s probably more equipped to deal with those logistics. I figured he would take the computer back, as if he’s loaned it to me in my time of need.
“I don’t need to be here, right?” I raise a brow. Thi shakes his head. “Yeah, okay. Thanks,” I offer weakly, twisting the camera just beyond my hair. The blush working its way into my cheeks isn’t very flattering. My brain doesn’t work the way it used to.I have a tendency to overthink now, to think there’s more to a gesture than simply kindness.
He’s asked them to do a security sweep. The man who has only ever known this cynical, angry version of me, yet he’s the only person in this world to consider that I don’t feel safe here. That I might need protecting. I swallow against the lump in my throat, searching for something else to say. Apparently, my neighbor also senses that the silence has drifted on for too long.
“What the hell is that?” Thi shouts, frowning at the booming sound vibrating against the wall.
“I believe it’s punk rock,” I call back loudly. I glare at the offending wall, the one behind the basin. The mirror rattles against the wall, the vibrations thrumming through the flooring. Surely the staff quarters will be able to hear it too, sending someone over to deal with it. Thiago says something I can’t quite catch. “What?” I refocus on the screen. He holds up his index finger and promptly ends the call.
Thi:I said, your noise-cancelling headphones are also being delivered tomorrow. Hang in there.
In reality, I’m not too irritated by the music. It’s not everyone’s taste, but it’s better than the peace and quiet to sit and stew in my trauma. My idea of being stuck in solitary confinement in the corner of campus is shifting, thanks to the self-absorbed asshole next door who is violently reminding me that I’m not alone up here. Neighborly etiquette might be lacking, but at least the isolation is sinking in slower than I expected, like ink bleeding through water.
I glance around the room again, tapping my finger against my phone.
Meg:Do you think I made a mistake?
Thi:With what?
Meg:All of it. Coming back to school. Marching onto that pitch like I still belong there.
Thiago doesn’t answer right away. The beat of silence gives space for all of my bottled-up doubt to overflow. The three bubbles appear on the screen, then disappear and come straight back. I drop onto the mattress again, crushing my phone in my hand until it finally vibrates once.
Thi:No. I think showing up was brave as hell. I also think you’re not done fighting for yourself yet, and that scares the people who tried to forget you.
A slow, sharp breath moves through my lungs. My heart beats fiercely as if it’s trying to tell me something. I roll onto my back, pointedly ignoring it.
Meg:Ugh. You had to go and be all profound.
Thi:You love it.
Meg:Shut up.
I’m glad he can’t see my stupid grin. I might only have this small room and the bag leaning against the door, but Thiago has a way of making me feel like I have so much more. Like it doesn’t matter if I become who I used to be or someone else completely. He’ll be at the end of the phone regardless.
Lowering my phone onto my chest, I rest my head to the side until another buzz comes through.
Thi:Just promise me one thing?
Meg:What?
I cringe at the quickness of my response. Maybe I should play it cool, pretend I’ve got other things to be doing than hanging on his every word. We’d both know that’s a lie, but it would feel like I’m not giving in too easily.
Thi:Don’t let Everest bait you into self-destructing. You’ve already done the impossible just by coming back, Meg. That’s your power move. Don’t let him twist it into a weakness.
I nod slowly, despite him not being able to see me. This is what I wanted to hear on the call. The reassurance I needed from just one person in this world that I’m not completely deluded. That I’m allowed to take up space. Setting my jaw, I bring a smirk back to my lips and a stubborn set of my brows.
Meg:Fine. But tomorrow, I’m going to destroy him.
Even before his reply comes, I can imagine Thiago beaming, a proud smile that brightens his entire face.
