It’s clear Everest wants me to agree, to bend to his whim. To agree that Meg would be oh, so much better if she was moldedthe way he prefers, but he doesn’t know me well enough at all. Whether I want Meg one way or the other, it’s not my call. She’s a big girl, she can decide for herself and I’ll be at her side either way.
The captain facing me, however, is cracking at the surface. The carefully controlled façade he maintains is starting to fracture. I wonder if this conversation is less about how Meg should be, and more about his role if she’s not. If Meg isn’t there to challenge and provoke him, does Everest know who he is? All questions I’ll never get the answers to, but it’s fun to speculate. All the while, I’m openly staring, assessing and slightly judging.
“What?” he eventually snaps, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“No reason,” I shrug, though my mind is running through a dozen of them. “So you want Meg to return to how she used to be, and you’ve brought me here to convince me of that. Well, good chat but I really need to get back to class.” I lie, deciding this is going nowhere. In fact, I’m going to take the rest of class off to sit in the quiet wisteria alcove cradling a coffee until I decide I’m going to just text her first. Stepping away, Everest plants himself in my way, his face the image of fury.
“She was born to be a leader. She’s supposed to break rules and create new ones, to carve a path for the women who want to join the team. She’s supposed to be my rival. That’s who she is,” Everest shoves at my shoulder. The same one that was hit by the door. Poor dude is really not having a good day. My eyes drop to where Everest’s palm touched me, and I brush off my hoodie. Apparently I’m not getting away from this easy.
“Have you even looked at her recently?” I counter. “Meg is all that and more. She’s in recovery, and she’s still able to get your panties in a twist. She has nightmares each night, and still shows up each day with a defiant expression. She’s battling against rumors, switching majors and finding her place in thisworld, yet she still manages to find a smile for me. Maybe she isn’t everything you preferred, but it’s my pleasure to be part of her journey.”
My tone and demeanor ease, despite the increase in Everest’s macho bullshit. I’ve never been one for physical confrontation. I’d rather hit people where it hurts, draining their bank accounts and putting them on an offender’s list for good measure. Something Everest should be wary of before he shoves me again. Wisely, he refrains and drags an agitated hand through his hair, ruffing up the sandy blond strands. I take my leave now, making it halfway across the pitch before his voice catches me mid-step.
“Aren’t you curious if she actually likes you?” he calls. I know better than to be goaded by a desperate man clutching on his final card to play, but my body freezes anyway. He latches onto my hesitation, crossing the grass behind me. “Or if you’re just a safe space for now? I meant what I said, Meg can be cut-throat when she needs to be. What if, after all of your understanding and gifts and little dinners, she drops you like you never existed?”
Licking my lips, I find a spot in the stands to focus on. It’s a question I’ve asked myself before, sure, but just as quickly dismissed because it doesn’t matter. Meg can like me today and ignore me tomorrow. That’s fine. I will know that when she needed me, when it mattered, I was there. Perhaps when it is time for her to move on, I might be able to convince myself that I deserve it. That I wasn’t there for my mom, and my karma for that is still floating around in the universe somewhere, waiting to land. Everest appears at my side, ready to put the bullshit aside at last.
“I’ve been thinking?—”
“That’s dangerous,” I interrupt. He ignores me completely, which, fair.
“There’s no point creating a rivalry between us when Meg isn’t in the right frame of mind to choose.”
My brow raises ever-so-slightly, picking up on a few interesting points in the same second. Firstly, that Everest thinks this is a me or him situation. To my knowledge, he hasn’t expressed his interest in Meg in any capacity aside from mortal enemies. Secondly, that even after what I just said, Everest is still hellbent on putting Meg in the ‘right frame of mind’. What he really means is ‘his frame of mind.’ I keep all of this to myself, too interested in the turn of the events.
“So I figured we should work together to help her confront her demons. Help her deal with her trauma head-on. Then we’ll know where we all stand once and for all.”
And there it is, ladies and gentlemen. The game plan, set by the captain who needs to control rather than wait and see. I can’t help the slow, dangerous smile that spreads across my face, because as much as Everest believes he’s three steps ahead of everyone else, he’s simply masking his insecurities. He thinks Meg is a prize to be won, and if she is cured in the way he’s suggesting she can be, she’ll have no need for me anymore. Additionally, he’s asking for my help in my own supposed-demise. Smart man, but I’m way ahead of him.
“And what if she still doesn’t want you afterwards?” I ask, my voice just as smooth as his. There’s a beat of him considering this, before he sighs.
“Then I’ll know it’s because that’s how she really feels.”
I study him, and he does the same to me. A truce seemed completely out of the question for us up to now, but he’s not backing down. He’s sure, in some twisted logic, that Meg is meant to be his. Whether because of something his parents have said, or some poetic future he’d planned for them which absolutely didn’t include me. If it’s the latter, he’s waited a long time to show his true cards, but I do love a challenge.
“It’s an interesting proposition,” I scratch my chin in thought. If nothing else, I can prove to Meg that no matter how dark and ugly the source of her nightmares becomes, I’m not going anywhere. Plus, Everest will see once and for all, he’s missed his shot and I’m here for all of her romantic needs from now on. In fact, I’m failing to see a downside. Shrugging, I grin and extend my hand between us. “Okay, I’m game. What did you have in mind?”
Chapter Thirty Nine
Distance. That’s how I’ve survived today. Distance and radio silence. I can’t bear to lie to Thiago about whatever happened last night with Reid, nor am I going to withhold it from him. So the only option left is hiding in the library, ignoring the fact I’m supposed to be in art class right now, and lacrosse practice later this afternoon.
Bookshelves surround me, stretching upward in tall, looming stacks that seem to swallow the sound of campus. Light filters in through the high windows, dulled by heavy clouds that press low in the sky, casting everything in a muted gray. I’ve claimed a corner table tucked between two bookcases, half-hidden from anyone passing by, my laptop open and a stack of textbooksspread out to make it look like I’m busy. In reality, I’ve read the same paragraph over and over again without absorbing a single word, my pen tapping idly against my notebook. The quiet was supposed to be comforting, but my brain refuses to cooperate, dragging me back to the events of last night every chance it gets.
Reid’s voice lingers where it shouldn’t, threading through my thoughts in a way that makes it impossible to ignore, no matter how much I try. He let me touch him, let me paint him for the sake of calming me. In any other instance, that would be considered thoughtful, until he slammed a door in my face and then blared his music until morning. Whiplash is an understatement.
Then there’s Thiago, always waiting on the other side of my avoidance. I’ve left my phone face down on the desk, unable to face his name lighting up the screen. Guilt sits heavy in my chest, although I haven’t technically done anything wrong. I feel like I should own up to something, but even doing that would create a label that I don’t understand. And I’m not even getting started on Everest, with his macho bullshit claiming me whilst doing everything in his power to piss me off. Seriously, why are the men in my orbit so complicated?
I drag a hand down my face, exhaling slowly as I highlight a sentence on my textbook just to feel productive, even though I couldn’t decipher what it says if my life depended on it. The textbook itself is a deep dive into the artist’s psyche. Ironically, changing my major from psychology to protect my mental health has been replaced by identifying the psychological state of artist’s, so that I can start to analyze and express my own. I figured it would be simply throwing paint at a canvas and seeing what miracles I might be able to produce. I should know by now, nothing comes so easily.
Touching my highlighter nib to the page again, I try to pick out something of interest to return to later.
“Running away doesn’t suit you.”
The pen stills instantly in my hand, the quiet around me snapping clean in half. I don’t look up straight away, clinging onto the last fragments of calm before I meet Everest’s eye. He is the last person I’d expected to find me here, but when I do bring myself to look up, I can see how he managed to track me down. Thiago winks as he shakes his phone, which happens to have me pinpointed on the screen’s map.
“Hola, Amorzinha.”
I slowly release the clench of my jaw, taking in the contrast between them. Everest stands at the edge of my table, his hair pushed back like he’s been dragging his hands through it all day. Thiago’s posture is loose, his cocky attitude oozing out of him. Neither comment on the presence of the other, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. Meanwhile, I’m in some twilight zone, my world starting to spin the wrong way on its axis.
