“I know.” Owen sighed. His hands were wandering over Noah’s sides, probably in search of the car keys. He hadn’t asked for permission to touch him, and Noah was glad for that, or he wouldn’t have had the courage to reach out and grab the lapels of his jacket. The denim was worn soft, and Noah briefly wondered if this was the same jacket Owen had had back in high school, the one he had put around his shoulders more than once. Blinking himself back to reality, he shook his head, trying to disentangle the past from the present.
“Lots of things changed,” he repeated, urgently now, willing Owen to really hear andunderstand, both hands fisting his jacket as he drew him closer. Their lips were only inches apart, so close that he could hear the other man’s breath catch in his throat, feel it ghost over his heated skin.
“But there’s one thing that hasn’t.”
It was Owen who bridged the gap between them, pressing his lips against Noah’s in a kiss that tasted mostly of whiskey but also of desperation.
The vibration of my phone jerks me out of that dark parking lot, pulling me away from Noah and Owen to allow them the privacy of their fictional kiss while I feel around for something that could double as a bookmark. I decide on a capped pencil from my nightstand and wedge it between the pages before putting the paperback away. After soaking in the whirlpool for far too long and then throwing together a quick dinner, my eyes are already drooping. But they snap open the next second when, instead of Seb’s or Mia’s names, there’s a Telegram notification from my dad—who’s, in fact, my only contact on that app.
Everyone says December is the month for sure
We’ve managed to get a hold of an insidesource
We should stock up some more before that
I’m thinking about another radiator. Just in case!
I stare for a moment, my brain needing the extra second to catch up. Not because this is a surprise, but because I desperately want to ignore it all—or, alternatively, throw my phone against the wall.
Another radiator, I type,becauseyou only have a dozen already!
I wish a dozen would be an exaggeration, but it’s the exact number. I know this because I’ve helped pay for at least half of them over the years. Of course, I neither send this message normy next draft. But it’s satisfying to at least put the words down.Nothing is going to happen in December.And:You’re full of shit!
I take a deep breath and put one arm over my eyes. I know from experience that nothing I want to say would change anything about my father’s desires or fears. I just wish he wouldn’t bring this up now. We’re only halfway through June, and my scholarship is on pause until the next semester.
I allow myself another minute before carefully peeking at my screen. There’s another message preview with a product link, which I ignore. I’m sure this won’t be the last I’ve heard of that thirteenth radiator or the approaching apocalypse, but I don’t have the nerve to deal with either today.
I reach forKeeping Noahagain, but this time I struggle to sink back into the story. As Owen pushes Noah up against the door of his truck to ravage his mouth and stick his hand into his pants, my mind keeps wandering back to my situation and how this will translate to it. It’s not like I can get Linden drunk on whisky, then grope him in a—
My thoughts come to an abrupt halt. I hesitate a mere second, then once more abandon the book in favor of my phone.
Badger’s Den
What?
That’s the place we’ll meet tomorrow night. 9 p.m.
Okay? Why? Everyone will be out tomorrow, so we’ll have the house to ourselves
Can’t grope you in the driveway.
WHAT?!!!
Trust me.
Micah, June 19th
Iexpect Linden to cancel when my phone vibrates on the wooden table in front of me. I’ve chosen a spot in the corner, as far away from the center of the bar as possible. We’ll have terrible customer service here, but hopefully enough privacy to stay under the radar. I chose this bar because it isn’t a typical hangout spot for college kids. The weekly line dance attracts displaced cowboys who somehow found themselves in a tiny state near the Canadian border. What I didn’t plan for was how much two students would stand out among the crowd of mid-forties truck drivers and wannabe cowboys. I’ve been ducking curious glances for a while now, pulling the shield of my cap lower and lower over my face.
I want to make this a good experience for both of us, put us at ease, and have a fun night before we try out our outlandish plan again. I can’t do that when I’m worrying about getting recognized. Obviously, there’s nothing suspicious about hanging out with your roommate. The sexuality of the people around me never fazed me because I used to be firmly settled in my identity. Now, with what Linden and I are about to do, and the threesomewith Mia and Mike looming on the horizon, I’m starting to wonder what this all means for me.
Is this bisexuality?
Bi-curiosity?
A bi-trial period?
Can you identify as bisexual when you only consider the same sex for personal gain?
