“But why did you lie to me?”
“I’m sorry about that. I just didn’t know what else to do,” I groan, resting my forehead against the knee I’ve drawn up against my chest. “I tried getting all that experience, I swear! But I either got stood up, or guys just sent dick pics, and I’m running out of time, because Colin’s coming back in August and—”
“Why’s it so important to do this now?” Micah interrupts my tirade.
“I just said: Colin’s—”
“Forget about him for a second.” Micah frowns, studying me closely. “If it weren’t for him, would you even want to do this? Have sex, I mean?”
“Yes.” My answer is instant. But I don’t feel any less sure about it, even when Micah’s brows shoot all the way up to that bright orange cap he’s been twisting back and forth all evening. It’sbackward right now, a couple of dark strands peeking out from under it.
“Oookay, that…okay?”
I snort. Apparently, he’s not convinced.
“Look.” I uncurl my legs and turn to face him. “Iwantto do this. I thought I’d already have this behind me. In fact, I thought I was going to have a way different college experience, but then…” I sigh, rubbing my neck with one hand. Am I really complaining about my boring life to my football-captain roommate?
“My dad had an accident.” I swallow down the gruesome details. There’d been a lot of flooding while I was away for my second year at B-Tech. He and some farmhands were pulling cows and their calves out of a mudbank when one of the tractors lost grip. It rolled right over my father. I still remember the way my mother’s voice trembled on the phone from the hospital. My dad broke twenty-eight bones that day. Most in his right arm and leg, but his jaw too, and three ribs. The doctors called it a miracle that there were no internal injuries.
“I had to go back to help out with the business. My parents have a cherry orchard and a dairy farm,” I continue, unsure how much Micah knows about my family situation.“He’s okay now, but I missed almost all of my sophomore year, and I don’t mean just classes.” I don’t want to sound like I’m fishing for pity, but the whole situation sucked.Not just for my father, whose recovery was a long process, but also for us as a family.
“After that, I felt like I lost all the connections I made here. Which were already hard to build because I had never had any practice. I was a weirdo in high school, so making any experiences like that was out the window then and now…” I shrug helplessly. My ears burn, my throat tightening. I purposefully turn my head away to look out the window.
It’s getting dark, the fuzzy orange lights of the streetlamps adding to the heat that still lingers everywhere.
I take a deep breath and continue, talking more slowly now. “All this has just…been building up with everyone I dated before. Nicko, Colin…Everyoneis making it into such a big thing that I can’t even have a proper first date, because it gets weird as soon as I tell them I’m a virgin, and I’m really fucking sick of it. Hell,Idon’t even care that much about having aspecial first time!” I risk a glance over at Micah. “That’s why I want to get it over with. And I didn't tell you because I didn't want to make it awkward.”
“I’m sorry, I know this is all very sensitive,” Micah says after a few moments. “But did I get this right:Youwent out withNicko?!” He looks so perplexed that I laugh out loud.
“Uhm, yeah? It’s how we met. But we realized that we were looking for very different things.”
“You really weren’t kidding when you said I wasn’t your type,” Micah continues, making me snort again.
It’s ridiculous that he bought that when clearly he’severyone’stype: tall, muscular, with captivating eyes and full lips—just all-around gorgeous, really.And on top of it all, he's an amazing cook and, as I've very recently learned, also a great kisser.
“Sorry, but yeah?” It’s easier to hold on to the lie with both hands than to admit that when Micah first moved in, I could barely be around him. Especially when he took over the kitchen—standing at the stove, always Marisol’s stupid pink apron over a tank top, showing off his arms and that broad back.
At least it means he never caught me staring.
“Ouch again.”
I snicker and reach out to playfully punch his arm. We’ve both relaxed into the couch rather than keeping our careful distance. The quiet that settles between us feels lighter.
“But I was totally looking forward to having this secret once you’re a big NFL star,” I tease, hoping he’ll take the olive branch.
“Ah, I knew it. You’re just another cleat chaser.” He sighs dramatically, making me grin again. I’m glad we could settle this amicably, though when he leans back into the couch, I wait a beat before looking at him.
“I didn’t just do this because you were a convenient opportunity for me. I feel safe with you,” I admit carefully. “I haven’t even told Nicko that I was going along with Colin’s suggestion because I know exactly what he’d say about it. And I wanted to keep it between us,” I hurry to add, not wanting to make it seem like I was bursting at the seams to add to the Nook’s gossip.
“Yeah, I haven’t told anyone either,” Micah says, reaching up to turn his cap again so he can rest his head against the back of the couch. The shield throws a shadow over his face, but his eyes sparkle from under it.
I hold the contact for a while, then look away before I get too tempted to stare at the subtle arches of his lips.
Together, we watch the world outside get darker and darker. The night slowly seeps in through the window, but we're both too comfortable to get up and turn on the light.
“What would you have done? If I hadn't stopped you earlier?”Micah’s question surprises me since I thought we had put the whole matter to rest. I was preparing myself to brave the dick pics again or maybe just tell Colin to pop my cherry himself.
“Promise not to laugh?”
