“Youknew? How? No one knew! Hell, not evenIknew!”
“Olli told me when the kittens got their vaccines. I promise I had no idea before then.” It sounds like a bad excuse, and the doubt on Micah’s face has me pulling up my shoulders. “Really! I—”
“No, no, I believe you.” Micah deflates, finally pushing himself up from where he was crouching in front of the toilet. “Just hard to believe those two were…a thing.” He scrunches up his nose, startling a laugh out of me that ends as abruptly as it started.
“Yeah, they’re an unlikely pair if I ever saw one. Shame it had to end like that.” I clear my throat. Like we’re any more of a likely couple than those two. I cough again, hoping that will clear the sudden lump in my throat.
Micah hums in sympathy, then stretches one arm out to rest his hand on my knee.
I gratefully rest mine on top, tracing along his knuckles as I recount the rest of my evening.
Several times, my voice nearly gives out, but every time Micah’s thumb rubs over my skin, more words flow out of me. I intentionally avoid looking at Micah while I’m talking, despite the sharp breaths he takes here and there. I feel hollow after the words have gotten out. Like they were the last thing inside of me, and now I’m entirely empty.
“Holy shit.” Micah’s eyes are huge as he slowly shakes his head. At some point, his fingers have become entangled with mine. Once more, his eyes trail over me before settling on my face. “Is Olli okay?”
“Yeah, just under observation at the hospital, but physically…I guess he’s okay.”
“Did you see who…?”
“I’m…I’m not sure.” I shake my head, raising my other hand, gesturing helplessly until I notice my shaking fingers and quickly let it sink again, trapping it between my bare knees. “Mia’s got some on video, but it was so dark, I don’t know if you can even see anything.”
“Yeah, sorry, I…I get it.” Micah takes a deep breath. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he says shakily, then notices my trapped hand. He frowns and pulls off his shirt in one motion, then holds it out to me.
I open my mouth to protest, but then simply take the shirt and pull it over my head, letting the overly large garment wrap around me comfortably.
Micah smiles, reaching out to pluck at the collar to get it to lie neatly over my collarbones before his face sobers up again. “I wish I had been there; I must have literally missed it by five minutes or so. Seb was freaking out, and I was just glad I managed to talk some sense into him, and then I got home, and the house was empty—” He bites his lip.
“It’s better that Davenport wasn’t there. And I’m glad you weren’t either. It…it wasn’t a good scene.” I take the moment to interrupt, not wanting him to feel guilty over something he had no control over. I’m somewhat annoyed by the pity I feel for Micah’s best friend. It would be so much easier if I could just be angry at him. But knowing Micah’s position, knowing everything else that’s lying heavily on his shoulders…I can’t muster up more than sadness.
“That must’ve been so hard,” I voice my thoughts out loud. “Hiding their relationship, I mean. Can you imagine? For a whole year?”
“Linden, I…” Micah’s voice trails off.
I wish I could stop talking, but I’m bursting at the seams with yetmorethoughts that desperately need out. “I mean,wow. Never going out together, always afraid of being caught? God, I could never—I mean, I know we aren’t, butif—”
“Linden.”
“Christ, can you imagine what someone would do if this had come out when he was in the NFL? I mean, could you imagine if that wereusin a year or so?”
“Linden!”
Micah wraps his arms around me, pulling me against his shoulder. He smells so familiar, like his lavender shampoo and spices. Finally, my mouth snaps shut.
“This…this is all,” Micah says, shaking his head before he looks at me. His eyes are mirroring the fear and uncertainty that’s swirling in my own head. “A lot. We never even talked about what comes after the summer. This was supposed to be just us gathering experience together.”
“I know, I know.” I rub my stinging eyes. I don’t even know if it’s new tears or tiredness that makes them itch.
“You have Colin, and I—”
I wiggle free of his embrace so I can use both my arms to gesture. Hopefully, that conveys the helplessness and desperation I feel, both about our situation and about my inability to string my thoughts and feelings into coherent sentences.
“Iknow! Micah, I’m so sorry for…for word-vomiting all this at you, and I’m absolutely in no state to talk about this like you deserve. I just…I need to get it out of my head before I explode.” Against my expectations, Micah doesn’t huff or get impatient. He doesn't even tell me to fuck off. No.
He laughs.
I puff up, indignant, because I truly mean it, but I can only get so mad when the melodic sound of his chuckle warms me from the inside out.
“Not funny,” I grumble, reluctantly letting him take my hand and pull me into another hug.
