I blink rapidly, tears welling up despite my effort to keep them at bay. “I never wanted you to give up something important to you.”
“You’re what’s important to me.” His voice breaks. “I spent so long thinking I had to have it all figured out, and in the process, I almost forgot who I was doing it for.”
He stands, taking one of my hands in his. “It’s you, Violet. It’s always been you. Your laugh, your stubbornness, the way you make me feel like I’m home just by being near you. I don’t want a life where I have everything except you,” he continues, each word cutting straight to my heart. “I don’t care how many boxes I check if it means I’m not here foryou. If it means you’re staring out windows waiting for me to come back. That’s the only thing I could never forgive myself for.”
His eyes glisten. “You’re the center of my life, Violet. You’re the part that makes me want to be better, the part I’d give up everything else for in a heartbeat. I’m not letting the world, my mistakes, or my stupid pride take you away from me.”
I can’t hold it back any longer. The tears that have been threatening since he walked through the door finally break free, spilling down my cheeks in hot streams. My shoulders shake as everything I’ve been holding inside comes pouring out.
“Can I hold you?” Rowan asks, his voice so tender it only makes me cry harder.
I nod, unable to speak through my tears, and he pulls me against his chest. His arms wrap around me, strong and secure, and I press my face into his shoulder.
“I’m here,” he whispers, one hand cradling the back of my head while the other rests on the small of my back. “I’ve got you, baby.”
“I missed you so much,” I manage between sobs. “I thought maybe we were broken for good.”
“Never,” he says fiercely, his lips pressing against my hair.
His arms tighten around me as his chest expands with a deep breath. I don’t want to pull away yet. After a week without him, I need the solid weight of him against me, his heartbeat under my ear, the familiar scent of him filling my lungs.
“What will you do now?” I ask, my voice muffled against his shirt.
“I’ve got some ideas,” he says. “All local stuff.”
For the first time in weeks, I’m not bracing for the next goodbye. I’m not counting days or wondering when I’ll have to be strong again. I’m just here, held, breathing him in, and letting my heart rest against his.
forty
. . .
Rowan
We spend the rest of the day talking until the sun sets and the room grows dark around us, neither of us bothering to turn on a light.
I can only see her silhouette, the soft curve of her cheek, the shine in her eyes. I reach over and turn on the lamp beside us, needing to see her face clearly.
I reach for it, my thumb brushing across her cheek. “I’m still not certain why you fell for me, Violet.”
She leans into my touch, eyes fluttering closed for a moment. “I didn’t fall for you all at once,” she says softly. “It wasn’t fireworks or some big moment I can point to.”
She shifts closer, folding one leg beneath her. “It was little things that kept sneaking up on me. Like that time Zack kept making those awful comments about my braces, and the next day he showed up with a black eye that he wouldn’t explain to anyone.”
“I never told you that was me.”
There’s a slight upturn of her lips. “You didn’t have to. You also used to wait by my locker even though your next class was all the way across the building. You were always late because of me.”
“Worth it,” I murmur.
“And that rainy day during our senior year when my car ran out of fuel and you walked two miles in a downpour to bring me a gas can.” Her voice softens. “You were soaked to the bone, but you still smiled when you saw me.”
I remember that day. She’d called me in a panic, and I’d dropped everything. I hadn’t even thought twice about the weather.
“You also used to leave notes in my textbooks,” she continues. “Little ripped up pieces of paper with terrible jokes that always made me laugh at the worst times. My chemistry teacher confiscated one once and read it out loud.”
A booming laugh escapes me, because I remember that, too.“Hey, want to swap oxidation numbers?”
She just shakes her head with a grin. “I think I fell a little bit more in love with you every day for years. And now you bring my horse a carrot every morning and make terrible coffee, but I love you even more for it.”
