“Anything, just not there,” Kai suggested.
I nodded.Feeling like I was teetering on the edge of something, of some fresh honesty, that I wasn’t sure I wanted to dive into.Deeper and more serious than any pool.
“But I understand what it’s like to resent your parents, even if it’s for pressures they didn’t realize they were applying.”I took a gulp of wine.“You couldn’t live with them and not see the red flags in their relationship.Not be affected by them.”
“You watched them silently seethe with resentment for each other, but blind to how the other was feeling, and you’ve been terrified ever since that the same situation would happen to you.”
It felt like he’d slapped me.
“So astute,” I managed to say, dryly.
“And me, just a kid,” Kai said, matching my tone.
I pushed my chair back, snatching up our empty bowls.Concentrated on walking as smoothly, as normally as possible to the sink, even though my body felt leaden.The white noise of the running faucet competing with the static buzzing between my ears.
“Tate, I’m sorry.”
He was closer than I expected, than I thought he could be.Practically on my heels.
“What for, being right?”I couldn’t turn, not knowing he was right there.
“For being blunt.Thoughtless.”
“That’s what we expect from our doctors, isn’t it?What we actually want from them.No mincing around the truth.”
“Maybe.But not from our...”He paused.“Not from the people we’re intimate with.And I get that wrong, sometimes.”
“I already told you, you were right.”The bitterness was ripe to my own ears; I knew Kai would hear it too.
“It’s not about being right.It’s about being...kind.”
I snorted, surprise bubbling through.“Lying to make me feel better, you mean?”
“Thinking before I speak.Remembering that you can be truthful without being an asshole in the process.”
Dish towel knotted between my hands, I turned.Forced myself to hold his eye.
“My ex told me I was an asshole.So, maybe you’re in good company.”
Kai tilted his head.“Told you while you were dating, or while you were breaking up?”
I tossed the towel down.“Does it make a difference?”
“Someone telling you that because they want to help you to improve, versus telling you that because they want to hurt you?Yeah, Tate, I think it makes a difference.”
The truth was that I couldn’t recall where, on the timeline of our collapsing relationship, that conversation fell.Not in the better times, certainly, but not when we’d been at our most cruel, most callous, either.Some barb, casually traded, most likely: never intended or expected to stick.Even now, I wasn’t sure if my ex would see it as a victory or an accident that his accusation still clung to me.
You got lucky, sometimes.The dagger sneaking between the ribs.
“I did asshole things,” I told Kai, plainly.“Not all the time, but sometimes.We both got hurt, along the way.”
“Very human of you.”
“I suppose I have to trust your definition for that,” I agreed, “you being a medical man, and all.”
His fingertips were warm on my bare arm.
“Forgive me?For being thoughtless before, I mean.”
