Plans scuppered, though, by Kai.He was there as I dragged myself from the water, body still damp and his hair a tussled mess, holding out a wine glass and carrying one himself.I took the drink from him, but he hovered still; no indication of sitting until I did first.Inwardly cursing, I gingerly perched myself on the edge of the lounger.
“I tease you, but this is good,” he conceded, after taking a sip.
I raised my glass in a silent toast to that.
Kai sprawled back on the chair, one leg raised, the other trailing off the edge and across the deck.There was a casualness to him that was beguiling; a lack of self-awareness that made his already attractive body all the more captivating.
I forced myself to sit back.Feeling little of the ease that Kai’s pose telegraphed so clearly, but trying my damnedest to at least emulate it.A gulp of wine - followed by a second, and then another - helped a little.Silence coiled between us, though not uncomfortably.
“So, no boyfriend,” he said, suddenly.
My body jolted in surprise, fingers instinctively gripping tighter around the stem of the wineglass.When I looked over to him, there was nothing of tension in his form.Gaze still fixed at the rippling lights of the city below us.
“Um, what?”I replied, eventually.I could hear the shake in my voice, betraying the stress as much as I tried to steady myself.
Kai glanced across.Still, I could see no sign of anything but casual interest.
“I mean, I’m assuming there’s no husband because you’re living on your own.Maybe I’m wrong.But I’ve never seen you here with anyone, or even any sign of someone else.So I guessed there was no boyfriend, either.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but the words weren’t there yet.Closed it again, as I thought about how to react.It wasn’t like I wasn’t out: it had been years since I told my family I was gay, and though it wasn’t a topic that was particularly discussed at work, neither was it a secret.Somehow, though, the feelings I was having now, to Kai’s question, took me right back to my early teenage years.Crushing memories of the horror at being asked “are you gay?”by schoolmates, when admitting that yes, yes you were could be tantamount to social suicide.
“I...”I started, then paused again.“No, no boyfriend.”
He nodded, thoughtfully.“Right, that’s what I guessed.”
I waited for the follow-up, the inevitable next question, but it didn’t come.
“How did you...”I asked him, eventually, unable to hold my curiosity any longer.
This time Kai’s look was more knowing.“Figure out that you’re gay?”He chuckled at my nod.“Wait, you thought you were being subtle when you checked me out?”
A feeling like ice-water flooding my body; goosebumps as my stomach fell.
“I wasn’t...”I started, then swallowed.My throat felt thick, as though it was closing up in horrified protest.“I mean, I didn’t...I didn’t mean to...”
For the first time there was a hint of uncertainty in his expression when he stared at me.“Why are you freaking out?”he asked, after a moment.“I wasn’t saying it like there was a problem.”
I must’ve looked a little like a goldfish, mouth opening and shutting as I tried to find the right response.My brain busy spiraling into a panic.
“I wasn’t going to...I mean...”I attempted, desperately, to explain.
“To try anything?”Kai finished for me, then laughed.“Yeah, I kinda figured that when you almost threw up after I touched you before.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I attempted to corral my thoughts into some semblance of order.
“I get it,” he continued.“It’s not like everybody is automatically going to be attracted to everyone else.That’s not how things work.”
The absurdity of that was oddly steadying; I gave him a disbelieving look.“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re gorgeous.Of course I’m attracted to you.”
I hadn’t expected his face to brighten as it did, or his smile to spread even wider.He looked...genuinely happy to hear that.
I blinked, utterly confused.
“So what stopped you from looking, since I’m assuming that means you wanted to really?”His eyes twinkled as he took another sip from his glass.
I shrugged, my shoulders feeling wooden and tense.“A reluctance to come across as a tired old gay stereotype, maybe?”
Kai laughed, loudly.“I’m sitting here in a Speedo I haven’t worn since high school, and which is only the latest in a series of increasingly revealing suits over the past week or so...I’m pretty sure the only way I could’ve invited attention more aggressively is having scrawled ‘check me out’ across my chest.”
