And with my mind clear comes another realization, one that I’ve been avoiding.
I may never go back to service. The doctors may be right. I may not get to choose what happens next in my life.
I’ve been in denial, and it’s taken a night with Kayla and the biggest orgasm of my life to realize it.
9
KAYLA
My body is stiff, and I’m not sure if it’s from sleeping on the floor, or from the hike in the rain, or from the sex we had last night. I’m guessing all three.
My cheeks heat when I think about what we did last night, the way Jace made my body dance and how good he felt inside me. It felt good to let him in, to share a part of my past that I don’t like to admit to. It was easier in the darkness to be vulnerable, but in the light of day, I wonder if I shared too much.
Rain pelts the roof as I stretch in the sleeping bag. Jace is already up and dressed with his back to me as he rifles through his pack. Even through his thermal top, his muscles ripple. My core clenches, and I sit up in bed, wondering if he’s up for a repeat performance of last night.
“Morning.” My voice sounds husky, and as I sit up, I let the bedding fall off my shoulders. When Jace turns around, he’ll get a view of my bare shoulders with my hair falling over them and grazing my exposed breasts. I feel deliciously wanton and confident, andhornyfor him.
“You need to eat something this morning. My MRE packs all have meat in them, but I have a protein bar.”
All the heat drains out of me, and I pull the sleeping bag up to cover myself. He’s all business this morning, and I shouldn’t be disappointed, but I am.
“A protein bar is fine.”
He turns around, but he’s squinting at the protein bar packet. “I think they’re vegan, but you better check.”
“It’s fine.” I search for my top and find it discarded at the bottom of the sleeping bag. “I have nuts and a cupcake.”
He glances up, and his expression softens.
“Hey.” He crouches next to me and hands over the protein bar. “How you doing?”
A range of answers flits through my mind. I’m on a high from the sex last night, and not just the sex; Jace makes me feel safe and cared for, but this morning he seems a little off, and it shouldn’t affect me, but it does.
“I’m fine,” I say, because I’m a wimp and I don’t want to come across as needy when my body is itching to touch him, because I know what he can do to me and I want it all again.
His gaze roves over my bare shoulders and flicks to my lips. He hesitates, and his breathing is shallow, as if he’s remembering last night too. Is he remembering our bodies moving together, or is he remembering my late-night confession?
I hold my breath, waiting for his lips on mine, waiting for the reassurance that I didn’t share too much.
His gaze flicks to the window, away from me.
“I’m going to hike out a little to find signal. Stay here, have something to eat, and rest.”
He kisses the top of my forehead, a gentle but brotherly kiss and not at all the kind of kiss I want.
But I smile as he stands up, and then he slips out of the door and is gone.
My hand closes over the protein bar, and the wrapper crinkles in the sudden silence.
My body’s on fire and my heart’s beating a dance that means trouble. I opened up to Jace, I made myself vulnerable, and worst of all, I let myself want him. But I have no idea if he feels the same beyond the sex.
I let out a long sigh and concentrate on my breath. But the calm I’m seeking is a long time in coming.
Two hours later, I’m in lotus pose, focusing really heard on my breathing and reminding myself that there is no point in worrying about the things in life we can’t control. I had an amazing night of sex, and if that’s all we have, then I’m damn grateful for it.
Then Jace comes through the door, dripping from the rain with his dark layer of stubble thicker than it was yesterday. He pulls off his wet coat, and his muscles dance as he strips to his t-shirt. It’s hard to find calm when there’s a wet, muscular man dripping in front of me and I know what his lips taste like.
But something’s different. The mischievous Jace I’ve come to know over the past week, the guy who always has a wise crack to make, is gone. Jace seems withdrawn, more serious than I’ve seen him.
