I stand immediately. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Quinn."
I leave the office and close the door behind me. The second I'm in the hallway, I release a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.
My shoulders ache, my jaw aches, everything aches. And the worst part? If someone asked me how the meeting went, I'd tell them it was fine.
I make it halfway back to the library before I stop. The house is quiet, no one is around, and no one saw me walk into Dad's office.
I lean against the wall and close my eyes. The meeting lasted less than ten minutes.
Ten minutes, that's all, and yet I feel exhausted. Like I've spent an hour defending myself.
I know Dad loves me, at least, I think he does. The problem is that love in our family has always felt conditional. You have to earn it. You are given it when you've done the right thing, and then taken away when you've disappointed someone. And somewhere along the line, I learned that the easiest way to keep it was to be agreeable, to be useful, and to never ask for more than I was given.
A knock sounds nearby and I immediately straighten, the reaction is instinctive and automatic. I hate that it is.
"Miss Quinn?" Mamie asks from further down the hallway. "Would you like some tea brought to the library?"
I smile. "Yes, please."
Then I push away from the wall and continue walking. Because Dad's right. The engagement party is in two weeks the Syndicate will be watching, and I've spent my entire life learning how to be exactly who everyone needs me to be.
"How bad was today?" Caden asks as he and Daithí take a seat opposite me in the library. Daithí holds a tray in his hands that has three plates stacked on it, while Caden has three glasses in his hands.
"An average Monday," I tell him, glancing back down at my book. I really don’t want to talk about today. It has to be one of the worst days that I have had in a very long time. Usually, I can ignore the words that Mam and Daire spew, but today I haven’t been able to. Every single snide comment has hit me hard.
“It was fucking brutal,” Daithí tells him. “If she weren’t our ma, I’d have killed her.”
“What’s the excuse for not taking Daire out?” I murmur as I read the same line for the fourth time. I sigh, I’m not in the mood to read right now, not with these two in here wanting to talk.
Daithí’s lips twitch. “Our sister is pregnant.”
“And after the baby’s born?” I ask with a raised brow.
He smiles as he shakes his head. He thinks I’m joking, and while I may half be, there’s a part of me that would love to not have her in my life anymore. “You’ve six weeks before you can be free of her,” he tells me. “Six weeks, that’s it.”
In six weeks, I’ll be in a different house, a different world, with Lorenzo Mariano's ring on my left hand, bearing his name and everything that comes with it. In six weeks, I leave the comfort and safety of this library along with Caden and Daithí, and I go somewhere I don't know yet, with people I barely know and a husband who's made it clear this marriage is anything but real.
Sure, we’ll be married in name only, but that’s about it. I have no other choice but to do it. I’m praying that it’ll be a lot better than what home is like.
"How are you actually feeling about it?" Caden asks.
"The marriage?" I question with a raised brow. Is that what he’s asking?
He nods, his gaze soft as he watches me carefully. "Yeah."
"I don't know enough about what it's going to be like to have a strong feeling about it yet," I say. "He's made the terms clear. I know what it is."
"What did he tell you?" Daithí asks, reaching for a plate and handing it to me.
"That once we marry, I’ll have his name and the protection that it brings, but nothing beyond the arrangement. He wanted to be open and honest, so I wouldn’t get my wires crossed about what the marriage is going to be like." I take a deep breath. "I respect that, actually."
Daithí and Caden exchange a look, one that has me tensing. God, what now?
"What?" I say.
"Nothing," Caden says, which means something. "It's just saying it is one thing. What it looks like practically is another."
