And I think about how this is my life now. That I have this amazing man, and the feeling that no matter what happens, we're facing it together. I love him. I've known it for weeks now, I've just been too afraid to say it out loud, but soon.
Dinner is loud as always. Matteo is sitting in his bouncy chair beside Vittoria and babbling away to anyone and everyone who will listen to him. Vittoria is somehow feeding him, eating her own dinner, and listening attentively to everyone.
Valentina is telling us a story about something Erin said earlier, and she's laughing so hard at her own retelling that she has to keep stopping halfway through. It doesn't help that Giovanni keeps interrupting her and Val keeps telling him to shut up, he keeps talking anyway.
Across the table, Ciro is trying to discuss something with Lorenzo, but every time he gets three words into the conversation someone talks over him.
Lorenzo sits beside me, one hand on my thigh, a steady and constant reminder that he’s here. His thumb will occasionally swipe along my thigh, and I’m glad that it’s only occasionally, otherwise I’d be a hot mess sitting in the middle of all this noise trying not to moan.
I catch Lorenzo watching me from beside me.
"Why are you smiling?" he asks quietly.
I hadn't even realized I was. "No reason."
His eyes narrow. He hates when I brush his questions off. I just smile wider as the main course arrives. Joe has made meatballs and spaghetti. It smells delicious, and I can’t wait to taste it.
Being around this family is no longer overwhelming, it feels normal, like home. Here, I belong.
The realization settles warmly in my chest.
I reach for my wine, but stop as the smell hits me first. My stomach immediately turns.
Oh God. No. Not again. I put the glass back down.
"Everything okay?" Lorenzo asks quietly.
I force a smile. "Fine."
It's not entirely a lie as the nausea passes almost as quickly as it arrives. I reach for my fork instead.
The conversation continues around me.
I take a bite of the meatballs and spaghetti. The taste is amazing. I laugh at Valentina hitting Giovanni with a napkin.
I take another bite, then freeze. Something isn't right. At first I can't place it, but then my lips start tingling and my stomach drops. I put my fork down, all the while, the conversation continues around me, but all of it feels suddenly far away, because I know this feeling.
God, I know this feeling.
The tingling spreads, to my tongue, to the inside of my mouth, and to my throat. I swallow, and immediately regret it. The tightness is there. Faint, it’s just the beginning, but it’s there. Peanuts.
Fear slams into me. I look down at my plate, and my pulse starts to hammer.
No. No. No.
I try to take another breath. My chest feels tight, it feels wrong. And suddenly all I can think is: someone put peanuts in my food. I try to breathe, but I can't. Panic hits me hard and fast, not because this has never happened before, because it has, it hits because I know exactly what's coming.
My tongue is swelling, my throat is closing, and every breath feels tighter than the one before it.
"Quinn." Lorenzo's voice cuts through the noise.
I look at him. I’m struggling to breathe, my vision starts to blur. I can hear the scraping of a chair. One second he's beside me, the next he's in front of me, his hands are on my face.
"Look at me," he demands, his voice low and dangerous.
I try. God, I'm trying. My vision is already blurring around the edges.
"My..." I swallow and instantly regret it. "Bag."
