The house is quiet when I get home. Val and Erin decided to continue shopping. I wasn't feeling up to it, so I came back early.
I drop my bags by the stairs, make two cups of coffee, and go looking for Lorenzo. He's in his study, as usual. The door is open, which I've learned means he's working but not in the kind of meeting that requires privacy.
I knock anyway. I'll always knock.
"Come in."
I step inside and hold up his coffee.
The corner of his mouth lifts. “You're my favorite person."
"You say that every time I bring you caffeine."
"Because it's always true."
I set the mug and my cellphone down on his desk and lean against his shoulder. His arm comes around my waist automatically.
"Good afternoon?" he asks.
"Really good."
"Shopping successful?"
"Yeah," I say softly. "It was so much fun."
His arm tightens slightly and he pulls me down onto his lap, I take a sip of my coffee as he goes back to work.
My thoughts drift back to this morning, to our conversation about his mam, Beatrice, and I wonder if he wants a baby? I've never really thought about it before.
The question slips out before I can overthink it. "Do you ever think about children?"
Lorenzo goes still, and suddenly I have his full attention.
"I think about them," he says carefully. "In the context of the family, and our future."
"Not like that,” I say and his attention sharpens on me, and I stare down at my coffee. "I never really thought about it before."
"About children?"
"About any of it,” I confess. "I thought this marriage would be something I survived." I let out a quiet laugh. "Something I got through." His gaze doesn't leave mine. "I didn't think I'd end up..." I struggle for the right words. "Happy." I swallow hard. "I didn't think I'd start imagining things."
His arms tighten around me. "What things?"
I shrug. A house, children, how Christmas mornings would be, I never imagined a future. All the things I stopped letting myself want a long time ago.
"I don't know," I admit. "Normal things." For a moment neither of us speaks. "I didn't have good examples," I say quietly. "I don't really know what a family is supposed to look like."
His expression softens. "You're saying you're allowing yourself to want things now."
I release a slow breath. "Yeah."
His gaze holds mine, it’s steady and filled with focus. "Then we'll figure out what those things are."
My chest tightens at his words, at the way he’s giving me hope.
Our silence is interrupted by my cellphone buzzing on his desk and lighting up. A message flashes up on the screen. I feel Lorenzo look at it as I reach for it.
Unknown number: Does he know you were the family's second choice? Does he know Ronan had to basically beg for Lorenzo to take you?
