He means it. I can tell he does. But I can also tell that something in him is folding inward, a door closing that was wide open five days ago, and I don't know how to keep it ajar without risking everything.
A long time passes before he speaks. Finally, he gestures at the laptop on the counter. “You want me to quiz you? Your boards are coming up."
We study. Side by side on the couch, a careful eight inches between us. He asks me about pharmacokinetics, and I answer correctly, and he says "good" in his normal voice, and I miss the playfulness he shows so often when we're alone.
After I ace a bunch of questions, I go to bed. I lie in the dark and hear Bernard settling onto the couch, hear the leather squeak as he shifts, trying to find a position that doesn't hurt his knee.
My phone glows.
Bernard
Goodnight, Ella.
Me
Goodnight.
I press the phone against my chest and close my eyes.
I’m halfway through a shift, a few days later, when my phone starts going wild in my pocket.
I’ve been added to some sort of group chat titled FURY PAWS , and the first message I see is:
Cam
WELCOME ELLA!! The partners and wives are so excited to meet you properly
Essence
Hi babe!! Cappy said you were at Gianna's on Saturday. SO glad you're settling in Pittsburgh!
Cam
We heard someone got a kiss at the meatball joint
My stomach drops through the floor.
Essence
Spill immediately
I type fast, thumbs clumsy on the screen.
Me
Ha, no, that was just Howie being drunk. I'm Jason's sister, that's all. Howie kisses everyone when he's wasted, apparently.
Cam
LOL that tracks. Howie kissed Banksy at a charity event last year, and Banksy still talks about it.
Essence
Girl, either way, you are one of us now. Next home game, you're sitting with us. No arguments.
Emerson
Hi Ella! I'm Emerson, Gunnar's wife. Welcome to the group These folks saved my life when I moved to Pittsburgh.
