“Not ideal?” he said with a laugh. “It’s insane. The driving back and forth, the sneaking around, the outright lying. The other weekend, I spent two days in this apartment, hoping you’d show up, and you never came.”
“I told you, I couldn’t get away.”
“I know. And I understand that. But what I can’t understand is why—if you know you want to leave him—you don’t do it.”
I didn’t understand it, either. I just knew that every time I thought about telling Paul the truth, my stomach bottomed out. I didn’t want to hurt or humiliate him, that was part of it, but I think I was also scared for word of our breakup to get back to the wives. Mary Lou and Laura and all of the other American women I’d met in La Maddalena had invited me into this strange sisterhood, and as soon as I left Paul, I knew I’d lose them, too.
“I can’t explain it,” I said, resting my cheek against Teo’s back. “I just need more time.”
Teo bent his head.
“I can still go out on the boat. I’ll tell Paul I’ve got something to do. If we’re back by six, I don’t even have to tell him anything.”
Now who was talking too much?
“I know it shouldn’t matter,” he said, softly, “but I had this picture in my head. The two of us were with my parents, and I was telling them that we were getting married, and I know I was getting ahead of myself, but I was so happy, you know?”
I smiled, in spite of all my misgivings. “You can still tell them that.”
“I can’t,” he said slowly, then removed my hands from his waist. “Because you’re someone else’s wife.”
He stood, and the newspaper fell to the floor. The photographs of Mars stared up at us.
“You know,” he said, “I think it’s absurd that the Americans are sending tiny spaceships to a planet that’s two hundred and twenty-five million kilometers away from Earth. Is it not enough that you’ve conquered the whole world?”
144.
AFTER THAT, I DIDN’T SEETeo for several weeks. But I did wind up meeting his mother one morning, at the butcher’s. She was there with Francesca, and I recognized her right away. She had Teo’s eyes and the same pronounced cheekbones, and it was all I could do not to blurt out,I’m in love with your son!
Francesca introduced us, but what could she say other than that I took private lessons with her? As you might imagine, this did not elicit the kind of wild-eyed interest I might have gotten if Francesca had told Simona Manca that I was Teo’s lover.
“Piacere,” said Simona, but it was clear she was focused on making sure she ordered enough salami to feed her three sons and their families.
I tried to force her to pay attention to me. “I’m also good friends with Teo.”
“Oh?” said Simona, then told the butcher that she also needed some mortadella, sliced extra thin.
Francesca eyed me suspiciously. “Have you seen him much this summer?”
As much as I wanted to tell her the truth, I shook my head. “Things have been busy.”
“I bet,” said Francesca, then she pulled her datebook out of her purse. “I’ve got to cancel next week’s lesson. And the following one.”
“Oh, no.”
“With everyone in town, it’s going to be too much. Arturo’s family is staying with me, and also Teo.”
“Right,” I said. “Well, we pack out on the twenty-fifth, and then we’re at the Excelsior for a few days. I’d love to get at least one more lesson in before then.”
“I’ve got you down for the seventeenth,” she said. “That can be our goodbye.”
I nodded, too overwhelmed to speak. We were really coming up on our final lesson? It didn’t seem possible.
I stood behind Francesca and Simona in line, watching as they ordered a few more cuts of meat, then waited for everything to be sliced and weighed and wrapped in brown paper. When they’d paid, Simona turned to me and told me, again, how nice it was to meet me.
“You, too,” I said, feeling positively heartbroken that Teo had wanted me at the center of this big family gathering and that I had said no because I was too frightened to tell Paul what I already knew, in my heart, was true.
145.
